(“Making Friends With Non-Christians”)

As you recall, we spent a great deal of time last year emphasizing the fact we Christians have a mandate from our Savior to be His witnesses (c.f. Acts 1:8) – which means, among other things, that we all need to find ways to be involved in the work of evangelism. We won’t be talking about evangelism nearly as much this year – but, my intention is to return to the subject now and then to remind us the mandate is still there – and that we need to continue following Jesus’ example of building relationships and friendships with non-believers, in hopes God will use us to draw some of them to Christ in repentance and faith. To that end, then, we’re going to revisit a message this morning from last year entitled: “Making Friends With Non-Christians”.

“The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.” (Matthew 11:19)

(A) SHOULD CHRISTIANS HAVE NON-CHRISTIAN

(2) In this morning’s text Jesus was rightly accused of being “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19). Statistics, however, tell us once the average person becomes a believer, they lose contact with all their UNbelieving friends inside of twenty-four months.¹ As one writer said: “two years after coming to know the Lord, the average Christian no longer has any significant relationships with non-Christians.”²

(3) Some of this is the result of a deliberate (and even necessary) break with our past¹ – along the lines of what the Apostle Peter said in First Peter chapter four: “For the time already past is sufficient for you to have … pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries. (And) in all this, they (i.e. the people you use to do these things with) are surprised that you do not run with them (any more) into the same excesses of dissipation …” (c.f. I Peter 4:1-4).

Once we become a Christian, we realize there are some sinful things we use to do that we shouldn’t be doing anymore – and, since many of our non-Christians friends still do them, we no longer spend as much time together as we once did.

(4) We also begin to lose contact with non-Christian friends as a natural consequence of our new life in Christ¹ – along the lines of what the Apostle Paul said in Second Corinthians chapter five: “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come” (c.f. II Corinthians 5:17).

As a result of becoming a Christian, we begin to develop an interest in things we didn’t care that much about before – like worship, studying and/or talking about the Bible, sharing our faith, or simply being around other Christians. Maybe we also have a new interest in becoming an honest employee, a faithful spouse, and/or a responsible member of our community.

The point is, our interests have changed – we’ve become interested in spiritual matters, while our non-Christian friends have not. Hence, we begin to drift apart because we’re no longer interested in many of the same things.

(5) Still another reason we may lose contact with non-Christians is due to a misinterpretation of Paul’s words in Second Corinthians chapter six,¹ where he said: “Do not be bound together with unbelievers …” (c.f. II Corinthians 6:14a).

(a) Some take this to mean we ought to cut off all contact with non-Christians, or at least keep our dealings with them to a bare minimum. Hence, if we have a choice (for example) between hiring a Christian or non-Christian, we choose the Christian – if we have a choice between a Christian or non-Christian roommate, we choose the Christian – if we have a choice between doing business with someone who’s a Christian and someone who’s not, we choose the Christian.

Not is this always a bad thing, since Scripture says: “Bad company corrupts good morals” (c.f. I Corinthians 15:33) – but, it does tend to isolate us from unbelievers, which is something Scripture does not encourage us to do.

(b) Paul’s point about not being “bound together with unbelievers” is that we should never willingly yield control of our behavior, or influence over our moral decisions, or the final say over our spiritual activities to unbelievers by voluntary partnerships or associations.³ Indeed, when Paul told the Christians in Corinth in another place “not to associate with immoral people”, he specifically said he “did not … mean … the immoral people of this world … for then you would have to go out of the world.” Instead, he meant we should not “associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person … not even to eat with such a one” (c.f. I Corinthians 5:9-10).

The point is, Paul didn’t say we shouldn’t have non-Christians friends – rather, he warned us about becoming partners with unbelievers in their sinful practices, and/or adopting their worldview. To put it another way, he was warning us about becoming like them by joining in their sinful lifestyle and/or system of belief.¹ The thing he was not doing was telling us to avoid cultivating any friendships with non-believers.

(B) JESUS WAS A FRIEND OF SINNERS

(1) If we need further evidence of this, we have our Savior’s example – for in today’s text Jesus repeats what certain religious leaders had been saying about Him behind His back – namely, that He was “a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19).

(a) That this IS what they were saying can be gleaned from other passages of Scripture. For example, in Mark chapter two Jesus calls a tax collector named Levi (a.k.a. Matthew) to be one of His disciples. Later, Levi hosts a meal in his home that’s not only attended by Jesus, but also by “many tax-gatherers and sinners” – at which point verse sixteen says: “When the scribes of the Pharisees saw … (Jesus) was eating with … sinners and tax collectors, they said to His disciples, ‘Why is He eating and drinking with tax collectors and sinners?’” (c.f. Mark 2:13-16).

Likewise, Luke chapter fifteen says: “Now all the tax collectors and … sinners were coming near (Jesus) to listen to Him. (And) Both the Pharisees and … scribes began to grumble, saying, ‘This man receives sinners and eats with them’” (c.f. Luke 15:1-2).

(b) As many of you know, the Pharisees separated themselves from anyone who did not follow their rules and regulations – indeed, the word “sinner” had almost become a technical term in their vocabulary for people who had little or no respect, not only for the Laws of Moses, but also for their own man-made traditions. As a result, the Pharisees couldn’t image why anyone would socialize with a group of “sinners” (like Jesus did) unless He were one of them.⁴

(c) On the other hand, many of the tax-collectors and sinners would have seen Jesus’ willingness to eat with them as a gesture of friendship.⁵ They would have known from His teaching (and behavior!) that He didn’t do many of the things they did – for they really were “sinners” in the biblical sense of that word. But the fact He was willing to socialize with them – not in a “slumming”, snobby way⁶ – but as One who appeared to genuinely enjoy their company, indicated He was sincerely interested in them.

(2) Now the allegation made by the religious leaders in this morning’s text was intended to be a derisive statement. Those who said it would have done so with a sneer in their heart (if not on their face) – and/or a nose-in-the-air attitude of superiority.

(a) The first part of the allegation – i.e. that Jesus was “a gluttonous man and a drunkard” (c.f. Matthew 11:19) –simply wasn’t true. Scripture tells us drunkenness and gluttony are sins (c.f. Proverbs 23:20; Deuteronomy 21:20) – it also tells us Jesus was without sin (c.f. Hebrews 4:15) – hence, He couldn’t possibly have been “a gluttonous man and a drunkard”.

I would guess many of the religious leaders knew their accusations weren’t true. I suspect they were just being spiteful. I assume they were angry and/or frustrated with Jesus because He was willing to associate with people they found so offensive.⁷

(b) In any event, the second part of the allegation – i.e. that Jesus was “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19) – was true!

[1] The tax collectors referred to in this morning’s text were Jews who collected monies from their own people on behalf of the hated Roman government. Anything they could collect above what Rome required was theirs to keep – which is how they made their living. Hence, they were considered unscrupulous traitors – in part, because they feathered their own nest at the expense of their fellow countrymen. John MacArthur says these men (who are sometimes called publicans) “were ranked right down there with unclean animals like swine, which no devout Jew would even touch. Because they were considered traitors and congenital liars, they were put in the same category with robbers and murderers – they weren’t even allowed to testify in a Jewish court.”⁸

Not only did Jesus eat socially with tax collectors like Zaccheus (see Luke 19:1-10) – He actually chose a tax collector (i.e. Matthew/Levi) to be one of His twelve disciples (see Matthew 9:9)

[2] As for the term “sinners”, we’ve already noted the Pharisees used it as a kind of generic term to describe anyone who didn’t follow their extra-biblical traditions, and/or their interpretations of God’s laws.

One example of this is found in Mark chapter seven, where we’re told that, ^{1“The Pharisees and some of the scribes gathered around (Jesus) when they had come from Jerusalem, 2and had seen that some of His disciples were eating their bread with impure hands, that is, unwashed. 3(For the Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they carefully wash their hands, thus observing the traditions of the elders; 4and when they come from the market place, they do not eat unless they cleanse themselves; and there are many other things which they have received in order to observe, such as the washing of cups and pitchers and copper pots.)”} (c.f. Mark 7:1-4).

A similar example is found in Luke chapter eleven where we read that, “a Pharisee asked (Jesus) to have lunch with him; and He went in, and reclined at the table. When the Pharisee saw it, he was surprised that (Jesus) had not first ceremonially washed before the meal. But the Lord said to him, ‘Now you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and of the platter; but inside of you, you are full of robbery and wickedness’” (c.f. Luke 11:37-39).

This last example shows us Jesus even socialized with religious hypocrites – i.e. people who appeared to be spiritual on the outside, but who were just as sinful on the inside as anyone else – if not actually more so! Indeed, He did so for the same reason He socialized with “tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19) – because they needed a Savior as much as anyone else.

The point is, not everyone the Pharisees labeled “sinners” were of the notorious variety. Some of them were like Jesus Himself – in this regard, that they were common people who tried to follow God’s laws without all the Pharisaical interpretations and/or applications.

[3] Having said that, however, we should also note that even though the people Jesus befriended were “sinners”, some were more so than others. In other words, some of the tax collectors He spent time with really were corrupt, greedy cheats – some of the women Jesus associated with were prostitutes (c.f. Luke 7:37-39) – while some of the other people he ate and drank with were social misfits. Some of these people were course and ill-mannered – rough and/or uneducated – crude and/or hardened by sin and life’s troubles.

Hence, they weren’t the nicest or most pleasant people to be around – but Jesus ate with them. They weren’t cultured or refined – but Jesus mingled with them. They weren’t genteel or sophisticated – but Jesus deliberately spent time with them.

(3) It’s important to add that Jesus’ friendship was genuine – that He wasn’t pretending to be “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19) – He really was their friend! His friendship didn’t have any strings attached to it – i.e. He wasn’t feigning friendship in order to gain their confidence so He could carry out some secret agenda – He really did care about these people! In fact, He cared about them regardless of whether they responded to His teaching or not (c.f. Mark 10:17-22).

(a) Like the Samaritan, who came upon a man on the road to Jericho who had been beaten, robbed and left for dead – a man none of the religious people would stop and help – Jesus “felt compassion” for “tax collectors and sinners” – which, in turn, led Him to get involved in their lives (c.f. Luke 10:30-33).

(b) Unlike the prodigal son’s older brother, who wanted nothing to do with his wayward sibling after he squandered his inheritance in “wild living” (c.f. Luke 15:13, NIV), Jesus “felt compassion” for the “tax collectors and sinners” of this world, and lovingly “embraced” them with His friendship (c.f. Luke 15:20).

(4) It’s important to add, though, that while Jesus’ friendship was genuine, there was a specific purpose behind His being “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19).

(a) It wasn’t what we would call an “ulterior motive” – for that would have been a form of deception. Rather, it was part of a divine strategy for finding and saving His lost sheep. Hence, in another place, when certain religious leaders began grumbling about Jesus “eating and drinking with tax collectors and sinners”, He said: “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance” (c.f. Luke 5:30-32).

To put it another way, Jesus didn’t become “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” to show the religious leaders how broad-minded He was, or how narrow-minded they were – nor did He do it to show people He was just an ordinary guy – or to provide a cover or excuse for their own sinful behavior. Rather, Jesus did it as part of the means for drawing some of them to Himself in repentance and faith!

(b) If we may use a fishing analogy (which is also a biblical analogy – see Matthew 4:19), to catch fish you have to go where the fish are. If the fish are up at Bonita Lake, we’ll never catch any of them if we stay down here in Alamogordo! If the are fish over in the Rio Grande River, we’ll have to go over there if we hope to catch any.

Jesus was “fishing for sinners” (as it were) (c.f. Mark 1:17), so He went where sinners were – indeed, He did it so often He became known as, “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19).

(c) If we use the physician analogy (which is also a biblical analogy – see Matthew 9:10-13) – a doctor who spends all His time with healthy people, and never gets involved with the sick, isn’t doing his job.

Jesus came to save those who are spiritually sick, so He went where sick people were – He came to save His lost sheep, so He went out looking for the lost (c.f. Luke 15:1-7) – He came to save sinners, so He became “a friend of sinners”, in order that He might (as Paul says) “save some” (c.f. I Corinthians 9:22).

(d) And yet, to repeat what I said earlier, Jesus’ friendship was genuine. He really did care about the people with whom He “ate and drank” – nor did He withdraw His friendship when they refused to repent and profess faith in Him. Rather, He continued to be “the friend of tax collectors and sinners” right up to the day He went to the cross. Indeed, He’s still “the friend of tax collectors and sinners” today – which is a good thing – otherwise none of us would ever have been saved!

(C) WE NEED TO DEVELOP FRIENDSHIPS WITH

NON-CHRISTIANS

(1) We see, then, that Jesus was “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19) – the question is, are we? And if not, why not?

(a) Some would argue Scripture teaches us to keep ourselves separate – like II Corinthians 6:14a, which says: “Do not be bound together with unbelievers” – or II Corinthians 6:17a, which says: “‘come out from their midst and be separate,’ says the Lord” – or James 4:4, which says: “do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God” – or I Corinthians 15:33, which says: “Bad company corrupts good morals” – or I Corinthians 5:5, which says: “Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough?”.

Of course each of these passages has to be taken in context – especially since some of them actually have more to do with matters within the church than making friends with non-believers. Nevertheless, the danger IS real – hence, when building friendships with non-Christians we need to guard against being drawn into their world to the point where we start imitating their life-style and/or adopting their attitude toward life.

(b) Potential danger, however, is no excuse not to look for ways to build friendships with non-Christians. As Paul said, in a passage I quoted earlier: “I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world” (c.f. I Corinthians 5:9-10).

In this instance, the Greek word for “associate” (“sunanamignumi”) means “to mingle, to mix up with, and/or to keep company with.”⁹ Hence, it signifies more than just a passing, superficial relationship – it actually refers to people we spend time with!

Why would Scripture tell us to spend time with swindlers, idolaters, and/or various other kinds of immoral people? There can only be one reason – so our friendship might become the means God uses to draw some of them to Christ!

(2) The challenge this morning’s text lays before us, then, is this – since Jesus was known as “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19) – and, since Scripture also says God has “predestined us to be conformed the image of His Son” (c.f. Romans 8:29) – then, by His enabling grace, we need to make a conscious effort to build some friendships with non-Christians.

(a) We need to look around and see who the Lord might be leading us to build a friendship with – maybe it’s a coworker, or a neighbor – maybe its someone we do business with, or someone in the club or organization we belong to. The point is, we need to start making an effort – we need to take time to talk with them instead of just saying “Hi, how are you” – we need to ask questions – find out what they’re interested in – find out what’s going on in their life. We need to invite them to lunch – or to a movie – or have them over for coffee. If they need something we have, we should offer it – if they help, we should give it – if they need sympathy, we should be sympathetic – if they need to be encouraged, we need to try and encourage them.

(b) We don’t need to worry initially about sharing our faith, or saying something “spiritual”, or even inviting them to church. Obviously, if they open the door by asking us a direct question, we should go for it – or if the Holy Spirit makes in plain that’s what we should do, we should do it. But that’s not the goal to begin with – the goal is to be a friend – to build a friendship – a genuine friendship – one that will continue even if we never get to share the Gospel with them – one that will continue even if we do, and they reject it.

(c) The goal is to be like Jesus, who became known as “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (c.f. Matthew 11:19) because He took the time to eat with them and/or just be with them.

Heavenly Father, when we were Your enemies (Romans 5:10) You graciously befriended us through the Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, if Jesus were not “a friend of sinners” (Matthew 11:19), like this morning’s text says, He would never have suffered and died for us on the cross (I Peter 2:24) – if He were not “a friend of sinners” (Matthew 11:19) like ourselves, we would still be lost in our sins.

As we consider how to carry out our Savior’s mandate to be His witnesses (Acts 1:8), impress upon us the importance of building genuine friendships with non-Christians. We ask this hoping You will use us to draw some of them to Yourself (John 6:44) in repentance and

faith – but even if You do not, help us see the importance of following our Savior’s example of “being a friend to sinners”. For we ask this in Jesus’ name – Amen.