(“Help For Loneliness”)

Psalm 25:1-22 (NASU)

(Psalm 25:16)

(Psalm 19:7-8)

(A) THE LAMENT OF LONELINESS¹

(1) In a world populated by billions of people, some would like nothing better than to find a little solitude … others, although surrounded by colleagues, acquaintances, family or friends can’t seem to shake feelings of emptiness, isolation, and/or separation² we often associate with loneliness¹ … indeed, one website said “the lament of loneliness is one of the most common anthems of our time.”¹

An unidentified newspaper conducted an informal survey to find out what problems its readers were most concerned about. I realize surveys can be manipulated – and I have no idea what kind of questions were asked – but the top three responses, in order of priority, turned out to be: fear, worry, and loneliness.³

In another unscientific poll conducted among patients at an unnamed psychiatric hospital, 80% said loneliness was what drove them to seek psychiatric help.³

(2) The great scientist Albert Einstein, speaking of himself, once said: “It’s strange to be so universally known, and yet be so lonely.”³ Whether he realized it or not, Dr. Einstein’s lament confirms three basic facts about loneliness.

(a) First, it’s no respecter of persons.⁴ Rich and poor, young and old, male and female – red and yellow, black and white – Americans, Canadians, Mexican’s and Iraqi’s – professing Christians and religious pagans – people with great intellects and those with below-average IQ’s, all can (and do) experience varying degrees of loneliness. That’s because loneliness has no boundaries³ – all of us are vulnerable, regardless of who we are or where we live.

(b) Second, being “alone” and being “lonely” are not always the same thing.²

Most of us have times when we want to be by ourselves – when we prefer to do whatever it is we’re doing without anyone else around. There are times, for example, when I like to play golf by myself – or hike a trail in the mountains by myself. During such rare moments, I may be alone in the sense that I’m not doing these things with anyone else – but I guarantee you I’m anything but lonely!

On the other hand, I’ve gone to meetings, conferences, or training events where I was surrounded by hundreds, even thousands of people – where there was little or no opportunity to be by myself – and yet as the days or week progressed, I experienced an increased sense of loneliness.

I do remember a time when I was both alone and lonely – when I chose to stay at seminary on the east coast and work, instead of going home to Illinois to be with my family for Christmas – when I was literally the only one left in a four-hundred person dorm on Christmas Eve, with no where to go and no one to be with. On that occasion I was not only alone, I was also intensely lonely.

We see, then, that while there are times when being alone and lonely overlap, the two are not always one and the same – that there are situations where we can be “alone” without being the least bit “lonely” – and there are also times when a crowd can be just about the loneliest place on earth.⁵

(c) If we inquire as to why this is so, the answer has to do with the fact that loneliness doesn’t depend on how many people we’re with – it’s more about the kind of relationship we have with those people.

For instance, if we feel a “connection” with people (whether we know them well or not) – if we sense we have something in common – if there’s a feeling of rapport – if they are interested in us, and/or we are interested in them – chances are we won’t feel lonely.

On the other hand, if we feel “isolated” and/or “out of place” – if we sense we’re being ignored or overlooked – if we feel as though no one cares – chances are we’re going to experience an acute case of loneliness no matter how many people we happen to be around.

(3) Loneliness can be triggered by various events that have a negative effect on our relationship(s) with other people – like the death of a spouse, a broken friendship, or a divorce – like being separated from our family because we’ve gone off to college or into the military – like when our children leave home, or we have to leave the “familiar” behind and move to a new town, and/or find a new church home – like when we feel abandoned, forgotten, neglected, left out, or no longer useful – like when we feel as though no one knows what we’re going through, or even cares enough to find out – like when it feels as though we’re the only one fighting for a particular political or spiritual cause – or when we find ourselves in some kind of trouble and are at a complete loss as to where to turn for help.

(a) Loneliness is first and foremost about isolation – nor does it always have to be a case of physical isolation. More often than not, given the time and culture in which we live, it has just as much to do with emotional isolation – or rational, or volitional – or even spiritual isolation.

When a wife no longer feels as though her husband loves her, she may experience a deep sense of loneliness even though they are still married and living in the same house. A new Christian may go through a period of loneliness when their old friends forsake them because of their testimony for Christ.⁴

A similar thing has happened to more than one Christian who has embraced the Reformed faith – only to discover their Arminian friends are no longer comfortable around them.

However it happens, loneliness is primarily about isolation – be it physical, emotional, spiritual, or whatever.

(b) You may not be lonely right now, but there’s a good chance you know someone who is – a newcomer to the community – the new guy at work – a new family in the church.⁶ It doesn’t always take a rocket scientist to figure out someone may be lonely – like a widow or widower – a person who’s confined to a nursing home – or someone serving in the military overseas. Other times it may be someone we might not normally think of – like a mother with three little children who could use some adult conversation⁶ – or the caregiver of an invalid spouse – or a local politician fighting for an important, but unpopular issue.

(c) In this morning’s text, David prayed: “Turn to me (O Lord) and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (c.f. Psalm 25:16). One thing to remember is that the Lord often uses people like you and me to help answer that prayer?! So if we know someone who might be feeling lonely, we ought to ask Christ what we could do to help ease some of that loneliness – like a phone call, a letter, or a visit. Who knows – our Savior might even relieve some of our own loneliness in the process!

(B) LONELY BUT NEVER ALONE⁷

(1) Today’s Scripture lesson indicates there were at least two contributing factors to David’s loneliness.

(a) First, he was being oppressed and/or afflicted by his enemies. In the last part of verse two he prays: “Do not let my enemies exult over me” (c.f. Psalm 25:2c) … while in verse nineteen he adds: “Look upon my enemies, for they are many, and they hate me with violent hatred” (c.f. Psalm 25:19).

Enemies who are particularly aggressive, as David’s seem to have been – regardless of whether they are human or spiritual – (such enemies) can leave us feeling isolated. Think how Jesus must have felt as His enemies turned up the heat (so to speak) in the final days leading to His crucifixion – especially when His disciples abandoned Him, leaving Him to face one of the most critical hours of His life alone!

There is a measure of truth in the old adage that says: “Laugh, and world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone”. Trouble often causes people to pull back, leaving us to face our difficulties by ourselves. But even when they don’t pull back, even when they stand with us, intense trouble has a way of still making us feel isolated simply by disrupting our life, and/or cutting us off from people and places that have been a part of our normal pattern of living.

(b) The second contributing factor to David’s sense of loneliness was the consciousness of his own sin. In verse seven he prayed: “Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions” (c.f. Psalm 25:7a) … in verse eleven he pleads with God, saying: “For Your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my iniquity, for it is great” (c.f. Psalm 25:11) … and in verse eighteen he simply prayed: “forgive all my sins” (c.f. Psalm 25:18b).

It’s a fact that our sins can (and do) isolate us from God … as the prophet Isaiah said: “your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God” (c.f. Isaiah 59:2a). Furthermore, its an isolation that can lead to intense feelings of spiritual loneliness until we confess our sins, and/or until we know we have received God’s promise of cleansing and forgiveness (c.f. I John 1:9).

David described his sense of spiritual isolation and/or loneliness in a later Psalm, saying in part: ^{3“There is no soundness in my flesh because of Your indignation; there is no health in my bones because of my sin. 4For my iniquities are gone over my head; as a heavy burden they weigh too much for me. 5My wounds grow foul and fester because of my folly. 6I am bent over and greatly bowed down; I go mourning all day long. 7For my loins are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh. 8I am benumbed and badly crushed; I groan because of the agitation of my heart”} (c.f. Psalm 38:3-8).

We Christians should never overlook the possibility that our loneliness may have spiritual, as well as physical roots … that the cause of our loneliness may not be due solely to some form of physical isolation … that it may also be we’re experiencing a measure of spiritual isolation from our God and Savior because of sin in our life we’ve either refused to acknowledge, and/or not yet confessed.

(2) In this morning’s text, David admitted he was “lonely” (c.f. Psalm 25:16b) – yet, throughout this psalm he also exemplified the right way to deal with our feelings of loneliness, and/or where to turn for help.

(a) The world of counseling and psychology (even that labeled “Christian”) essentially says its up to us – that we must overcome our loneliness. As one popular Christian writer and radio personality said: “Feeling lonely is unavoidable … but staying lonely is a choice.”⁸

This self-help counsel invariably consists of doing something. Hence, one writer said: “get busy, occupy yourself, keep your hands busy”⁹ … another said: “become more active, talk with a friend, pastor, teacher or counselor, get involved in a club” … still another said: “find someone you can help, develop a new interest or skill, try and repair any broken relationships that may be contributing to your loneliness.”¹¹

We’ve all heard (and given) advice like this. There’s even a measure of truth in some of it – like looking for ways to help others (c.f. Philippians 2:3-4) – and/or trying to repair broken relationships (c.f. Romans 12:18). The problem is, it’s not a biblical solution – at best it’s putting the cart before the horse (so to speak) – and at worst, it’s a horribly man-centered solution to the problem of loneliness, instead of being a Christ-centered solution!!

(b) If we look back over this morning’s Scripture lesson, we don’t find David doing any of the things amateur or professional counselors tell people to do today – instead, we find him turning first and foremost of all to God his Savior! In verse one, for example, the first words out of his mouth are: “To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in You I trust” (c.f. Psalm 25:1-2a) … in verse four he prays: “Make me know Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day” (c.f. Psalm 25:4-5) … in verse fifteen he says: “My eyes are continually toward the Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net” (c.f. Psalm 25:15) … in our text, verse sixteen, he prays: “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses” (c.f. Psalm 25:16-17) … and in verse twenty he adds: “Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You” (c.f. Psalm 25:20-21).

Can there be any doubt in anyone’s mind as to what David did first? Can there be any doubt whatsoever as to where and/or to Whom he turned for help when he was “lonely”? Can there be any doubt that his solution was not man-centered, or self-centered, but God-centered?!

And remember, too, that the New Testament says: “these things happened … as an example, and they were written (down) for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come” (c.f. I Corinthians 10:11) – indicating that what we have here, as elsewhere throughout Scripture, is for our instruction and (in this instance) for our imitation.

When we are “lonely”, then, the help we need comes first and foremost of all from our Savior, whom we are to turn to in prayer – confessing our need – and imploring Him to give us the grace we to handle it (c.f. Hebrews 4:16), and/or to come to our aid in whatever way He sees fit (c.f. Luke 22:42). As we do, we must also remember that regardless of how He ultimately chooses to answer, He has promised it will be for our good (c.f. Romans 8:28) – and even more importantly, for His glory (c.f. I Peter 4:11)!

(c) As we reflect further on David’s prayer in Psalm twenty-five, another important truth starts to emerge. Even though David felt “lonely” (c.f. Psalm 25:16) – even though his loneliness was quite real to him – it turns out that he wasn’t actually alone after all! He may have been “alone” in human terms, but he wasn’t alone in the ultimate sense. Had that been the case, there would have been no place for him to turn for help – had he really been “alone”, there would have been no one for him to turn to for strength and comfort! As it turned out, he was able to go to the Lord his God in prayer, while also believing his prayer would be answered!

(d) A little earlier I asked you to consider how Jesus must have felt when His disciples abandoned Him in the final hours before His crucifixion. Now, as Paul Harvey says, I want to tell you the rest of the story – for on at least one occasion, prior to the actual events, Jesus predicted what would happen, saying: “Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone” – but then He added: “and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me” (c.f. John 16:32) – or, if I may paraphrase His words ever so slightly, “You are going to abandon Me, but even when you do I won’t be alone because God the Father will still be with Me!”

How that statement meshes with our Savior’s cry from the cross, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (c.f. Matthew 27:46), is beyond the scope of this message. Suffice to say both are true – remembering God’s thoughts and ways are ultimately higher than ours (c.f. Isaiah 55:8-9). The point we are considering is our Savior’s confidence that even if all men were to forsake Him, He would not be alone because God the Father would always be with Him, to strength and comfort Him. Hence, in another place He told His disciples: “He who sent Me is with Me; He has not left Me alone” (c.f. John 8:29).

(e) Our Savior has made the same promise to those He has redeemed by His shed blood. We’ve heard these verses before – but do we really believe them? We’ve heard the promises I’m about to quote many times – the question is, do we turn to them when we need help with loneliness?

Matthew 28:20 – “I am with you always, even to the end of the age” – what part of “always” don’t we believe?!

Hebrews 13:5-6 – “He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,’ so that we confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid’” – what part of “never” don’t we understand?!

Psalm 23:1-6 – ^{1“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. 2He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. 3He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. 4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 5You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever”} – at what point in life (or death!) has the Great Shepherd said He won’t be with us?!

Deuteronomy 31:6 – “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble … for the Lord your God is … with you. He will not fail you or forsake you” – what other meaning can the words “He will not fail you or forsake you” have, than that “He will not fail us or forsake us”? – not now, not ever, not even when we are feeling lonely!

Isaiah 41:10 – “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” – how can we ever think of ourselves as being alone when the Sovereign Ruler of heaven and earth has given us a promise like this?!

(f) Because we are weak in body and spirit – because we are often weak in faith – when we experience a deep sense of loneliness, we may be tempted to ask, “Where is God when I’m lonely?”⁷ “Where is Christ, when I feel so isolated and/or so abandoned?” I say, go ahead and asked the question – don’t be afraid to ask it honestly – just make sure you come to the right answer – the answer being, “He’s right beside you!” (Even inside you!) There may be times when we feel intense loneliness – but if we have repented of our sins, and professed faith in Christ as our Savior, there will never be a time when we are alone. If that were not true, there would be no point in praying: “Turn to me (O Lord) and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (c.f. Psalm 25:16).