HELP FOR THE HOME
(“The Necessity Of Forgiveness”)
Colossians 3:12-13 (NASU)
“… forgiv(e) each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.”
(Colossians 3:13)
(A) SIN AND FORGIVENESS
(1) This morning we are going to begin an examination of the issue of forgiveness as it relates to the home – to our families, and our marriages. There was no need for forgiveness prior to the Fall (c.f. Genesis 1:31) – but ever since sin entered the world (c.f. Romans 5:12), there has been (and continues to be) an ongoing need for husbands and wives, parents and children, and family members in general to practice Christ-like forgiveness toward one another (c.f. Colossians 3:13).
(2) Scripture says that (before we were saved, through faith in Jesus Christ) you and I were sinful creatures by nature – from the very moment we were born. That’s what David meant when he said: “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful (even) from the time my mother CONCEIVED me” (c.f. Psalm 51:5, NIV). Hence, Romans chapter three says: “ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (c.f. Romans 3:23) – while the Book of Ecclesiastes adds that: “there is not a righteous man on earth who continually does good and who NEVER sins” (c.f. Ecclesiastes 7:20).
(3) It’s not that we were part-time sinners, who occasionally broke one or two of God’s laws – but, for the most part, were pretty good people. On the contrary, Scripture says we lived and breathed sin – that prior to Christ, our thoughts and behavior were constantly sinful – if not always in actual deeds, then certainly on account of the motives of our heart (c.f. Proverbs 16:2; Matthew 5:27-28). Hence, the Book of Genesis says that: “EVERY intent of the thoughts of (our) heart(s) was only evil continually” (c.f. Genesis 6:5) – the Apostle Peter said, “(we) were continually straying like sheep” (c.f. I Peter 2:25) – while David wrote that, “there is no one who does good, not even one” (c.f. Psalm 53:3).
(4) We expect those who have not repented of their sins, and professed saving faith in Christ, to sin against God (c.f. Psalm 51:4) – but what about Christians? The Apostle John was talking about us when he wrote: “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us” (c.f. I John 1:8). David was speaking as a saved man when he said: “I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me” (c.f. Psalm 51:3). Remember, too, that Jesus was talking to HIS DISCIPLES when He taught them to pray: “forgive us our sins” (c.f. Luke 11:4).
(5) Thankfully, God has given us numerous promises in Scripture, reassuring us of His forgiveness of our sins through Jesus Christ – first, as lost sinners – and then as Christians who have been caught in some trespass (c.f. John 13:10; Galatians 6:1). For example, the Book of Ephesians says: 7“In (Christ) we have redemption through His blood, (which includes) the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace” (c.f. Ephesians 1:7). The Psalmist wrote: 3“If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? (the answer being, “No one!” – because there is no one who has not sinned numerous times!) 4But (he continues) there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared” (the word “fear” in this case meaning “reverenced” or “worshipped”) (c.f. Psalm 130:3-4). Likewise, a verse I have reminded you of many times – a verse that speaks directly to Christians, says: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (c.f. I John 1:9).
(6) Scripture also gives us numerous examples of God graciously forgiving the sins of HIS PEOPLE. For instance, DAVID (who is described in Scripture as a “man after God’s heart”) (c.f. Acts 13:22) nevertheless committed adultery and murder – yet, when he confessed his sins (c.f. Psalm 32:5), the prophet Nathan assured him of God’s forgiveness, saying: “The Lord … has taken away your sin” (c.f. II Samuel 12:13). Likewise, PETER (one of Jesus’ twelve disciples) (c.f. Matthew 10:1-4) denied knowing Him, or even being one of followers – not once, but three times in a single night (c.f. Luke 22:54-61). And yet (in the Gospel of John), Jesus clearly forgave him (c.f. John 21:15-17).
Elsewhere, Scripture reassures us of God’s forgiveness in more general ways, saying: “You forgave the iniquity of YOUR PEOPLE; You covered all their sin” (c.f. Psalm 85:2). The Book of Leviticus – looking ahead to the work of Christ, both as our sacrifice and our Priest – repeatedly reassured THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL that when they sinned, they were to bring the appropriate sacrifice, after which: “the priest (would) make atonement for them, and they (would) be forgiven” (c.f. Leviticus 4:20; see also Leviticus 4:26, 31, 35; 5:10, 13, 16, 18; 6:7; 19:22). Likewise, the Book of James exhorts CHRISTIANS to pray for each other when we are sick, saying (in part) that if the sick person “has committed (any) sins, they will be forgiven him” (c.f. James 5:15).
These are just a sampling of the many places God reassures us (in Scripture) of His forgiveness of all our sins, as Christians, thanks to the Person and Work of Jesus Christ on our behalf.
(B) FORGIVENESS AND THE GOSPEL
(1) Scripture says a Christian should only marry another Christian. Otherwise, we will be “unequally yoked” – as the NKJV puts it (which refers to two animals trying to pull the same wagon or cart) (c.f. II Corinthians 6:14, NKJV). Among other things, this means that (unless the non-believing spouse is converted at some point, which Scripture does NOT guarantee will happen, by the way) (c.f. I Corinthians 7:16) we will never be able to achieve that deep oneness referred to in Scripture (c.f. Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31) – a oneness, that’s not just of body, but also of heart, and mind, and soul (c.f. Luke 10:27) – a oneness that goes beyond a physical relationship, and even beyond a shared interest in some of the good and legitimate things of this world, to a mutual devotion and pursuit of the glory of Christ and His worship.
To be “unequally yoked” in marriage means we will be pulling in two very different directions – because as a believer and unbeliever, we don’t have anything “in common” with each other at the deepest levels of our being (c.f. II Corinthians 6:15). This, in turn, means that we (as a couple) cannot practice the MUTUAL forgiveness spoken of in this morning’s text (c.f. Colossians 3:13) – simply because non-Christians are incapable of this kind of forgiveness. Hence, in First Corinthians chapter seven Paul says widows and widowers are “free to remarry whomever they wish” – but, “ONLY IN THE LORD” (c.f. I Corinthians 7:39).
(2) But, just because two Christians get married doesn’t mean their relationship is going to be smooth and trouble-free. Even though we have been redeemed, and nothing we do (or don’t do) will ever change that (c.f. John 10:28-29; Romans 8:35-39) – we’re still fallen creatures, who are constantly struggling with various sins in our life (c.f. Romans 7:18-25; Hebrews 12:1).
It’s true, that Christ has promised to “complete the good work He began in us” (c.f. Philippians 1:6) – but it’s also true that work isn’t complete yet! Hence, the marriage of two Christians is also the marriage of two people who are “waging war” with the sin in their life (c.f. I Peter 2:11). And whenever two such people come together in a relationship as intimate and personal as marriage – even if they are both Christians, and even if they do enjoy many wonderful moments together, there are also going to be some problems1 – problems that necessitate “bearing with one another, and forgiving each other … just as the Lord (has) for(given) (us)” (c.f. Colossians 3:13). (Moreover, the same thing is true of every relationship within the home.)
(3) I will readily concede that this morning’s Scripture lesson and text (c.f. Colossians 3:12-13) are not talking DIRECTLY about marriage or the home – that these verses are talking primarily about the general relationship between you and I as Christians, and how we should be ready to forgive each other any offense. However, you will surely agree that one place where these verses ought to be applied is within the home and family – between parents and children, grandparents and grandchildren – between father-in-laws and son-in-laws, mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws – AND (of course) between husbands and wives. Indeed, one wonders if it’s even possible to sincerely forgive a brother or sister in Christ at work, or in the church – if we are not willing to forgive our husband or wife, or our children, or our mom and dad (compare I John 4:20).
(4) This morning’s text reminds us that forgiveness is a key component of the Gospel. Hence, when Paul says we are to “forgive each other JUST AS THE LORD FORGAVE US” (c.f. Colossians 3:13), he’s talking about how our sins were forgiven at the time of our conversion – about how “God in Christ … has forgiven (us)”, as the Book of Ephesians says (c.f. Ephesians 4:32).
It’s providential, then, that we are talking about forgiveness on the same day we’re preparing to come to the Lord’s Table – for in the Gospel of Matthew, on the night Jesus instituted this sacrament, He said of the cup: “this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for (What?) (for the) FORGIVENESS of sins” (c.f. Matthew 26:28). Hence, every time we come to the communion table and drink from the cup, not only are we “proclaiming the Lord’s death unto He comes again” (as First Corinthians chapter eleven says) (c.f. I Corinthians 11:26) – we are also being reminded that our sins have been forgiven! Not just some of them – but all of them! Not just the ones we did before we became a Christian – but all those we’ve done since! Not just those we committed yesterday or today – but those we will commit tomorrow!
To be sure, Scripture tells us to confess our sins to the Lord on a regular basis, and seek God’s forgiveness (c.f. Matthew 6:12; I John 1:9). BUT, it does so on the basis of the work Christ has already done for us on the cross – it does so because our sins have already been “covered” by the blood of Christ (c.f. Psalm 32:1; Romans 4:7). It does so, not only that we might be cleansed and forgiven (c.f. I John 1:9) – so our dirty feet might be washed (as it were) – but also so we might be reminded of that which is already ours in Christ (c.f. John 13:1-11) – namely, the forgiveness of our sins (c.f. Acts 10:43; 13:38)!
(5) To forgive each other, then, just as the Lord forgave us (c.f. Colossians 3:13), is to put the Gospel into practice in our personal relationships. Hence, whenever repentance is present (compare II Corinthians 7:9-10), no husband or wife should ever have to beg their spouse to be forgiven – rather, we should be ready to forgive each other as Christ forgave us. When repentance is present, no child should ever have to plead with their parents to be forgiven – nor should a parent have to plead with their children to forgive them – rather (as Christians), we should be as quick to forgive each other as Christ was (and is) to forgive us.
(6) I realize I’m leaving some important questions unanswered at this point – like, how do we know if a person is truly repentant? – or, what to do if a person does not repent, or ask for forgiveness. That’s because, at the moment, I’m more interested in the basics – so let me offer this analogy. When it comes to leaning how to play a musical instrument, or a sport like basketball or baseball, you have to start with the basics – with the fundamentals. Then, once you have mastered those, you can you start to improvise or be creative.
Our sinful tendency is to look for loopholes in God’s commands, including those regarding forgiveness – to search for exceptions to the rule (as it were), instead of concentrating on getting the fundamentals down first. Right now I’m more interested in making sure we understand what the fundamental rule regarding forgiveness is – namely, that as Christians – as Christian husbands and wives – as Christian parents and children – we are to “forgive each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you” (c.f. Colossians 3:13).
WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT – THE HERE AND NOW, OR ETERNITY
(1) You’ve heard the adage: “Two wrongs don’t make a right”? – the point being that we don’t correct one mistake by making another – or that, just because I slapped you in the face doesn’t make it right for you to slap me back2 (c.f. Matthew 5:39; I Peter 2:23).
(2) A similar thing is true when it comes to marriage and the home – in this regard, that two fallen creatures don’t make for a perfect marriage – two or more people, in whom the work of sanctification is not yet complete, do not equal a “happy-all-the-time” home. As one writer has pointed out, the uniting of two sinful people in marriage doesn’t eliminate sin (or even reduce it) – if anything, it intensifies it.3 Hence, rather than solving all our problems, getting married and having children will give us numerous opportunities to put the command in this morning’s text into practice – to learn how to forgive each other like Christ has forgiven us (c.f. Colossians 3:13).
(3) We live in a time when many people treat God’s word as if it were another “how-to” book.4 There are “how-to” books for almost everything today – from how to plant a garden, to how to make a great wedding speech5 – how to use a computer, to how to win at poker6 – how to invest in the stock market, or how to get a job overseas7 – from how to do basic home repairs, to how to survive in the wilderness8 (if those home repairs don’t work out).
Unfortunately, more and more people are looking to the Bible to find out what they can do for themselves, instead of focusing on what God has done for them in Christ (c.f. John 5:39)! More and more people are looking to the Bible (not for redemption, or even sanctification, but) for pointers on everything from “how-to” handle their finances, to “how to” run their business, to “how to” have a better marriage. From the pulpit to the pew, more and more people are treating the Bible as if it were little more than an instruction manual, whose primary purpose is to show them how to have a happy, fulfilling life during their time on earth, or how to be prosperous and healthy – instead of searching through it’s pages to find out what it tells us about ourselves as sinners, and how the wrath of God hangs over our heads on account of our sins (c.f. John 3:36), and how Jesus Christ is the only One our Heavenly Father has provided who can “(rescue) us from the wrath to come” (c.f. Acts 4:12; I Thessalonians 1:10).
(4) It’s only AFTER the matter of salvation has been settled (by repenting of our sins and professing faith in Christ), that passages like this morning’s text become useful so far as helping us grow in the likeness of our Savior is concerned (c.f. Colossians 3:12-13) – and even then, the growth that takes place is His work in us, not our work in ourselves.
Nevertheless, the trend today is to either skip the redemption part altogether (or gloss over it, or assume everyone already knows and understands that), and jump right to the “how to” live part. But, whenever we skip the Gospel and go right to the part about how we should live (as important as it may be), we give people the impression they don’t need Christ to be “compassionate and kind, or gentle and forgiving” (c.f. Colossians 3:12-13) – and that essentially turns verses like those before us into a set of laws we must keep if we are to become a better person, or have a better life, or even please God – when the truth is, we can’t possible keep them perfectly, which is always God’s requirement in such instances (c.f. James 2:10-11) – since perfection is something no one (not even Christians) can ever achieve on our own!
(5) I’m reminded, in this regard, of the verse where Jesus asked: “what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” (c.f. Matthew 16:26). Sadly, many people today are essentially forfeiting their ETERNAL souls in hopes of getting a better piece of the HERE AND NOW (which is short-lived and temporary at best) – and some are even using bits and pieces from God’s word to try and justify what they are doing! Today, there are people sitting in churches all over America who (like Esau) are selling their birthright (in Christ) for a bowl of “self-help” stew (c.f. Genesis 25:29-34) – who are neglecting their eternal souls in hopes of getting a piece of the proverbial pie – and some are even using snippets from God’s word, yanked from their context, to try and justify their actions!
(6) Understand, then, that as important as marriage is (seeing as how it’s the most first and foremost human relationship on earth!) – it’s vastly MORE important that people repent of their sins and profess saving faith in Jesus Christ! As important as your home and family are (and they are important, because God Himself has instituted them and established them!) – nevertheless, it’s infinitely MORE important that you and I “make certain He has called and chosen us” for eternal life (c.f. II Peter 1:10). What’s more, as important as it is for us to practice the kind of forgiveness described in this morning’s text – it’s pointless to try and do so until we have FIRST experienced Christ’s forgiveness in our own life (c.f. Colossians 3:13), so we at least have some frame of reference!
(7) Hence, the first and best thing you can ever do for your home, and family, and marriage is make sure you are a Christian – to make sure you have “been chosen of God” (as verse twelve puts it) (c.f. Colossians 3:12). And I say that because, only Christ can enable you to “put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (c.f. Colossians 3:12) in the biblical sense of those words – AND because it’s also true that Christ only enables His people (the people He has saved) to “(bear) with one another, and forgiv(e) each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you” (c.f. Colossians 3:13).
1Allendar & Longman: Forgiveness; Intimate Marriage
Series; p. 5.
2http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_wrongs_don't_make_a_right
3Allendar & Longman: Ibid; p. 22.
4Horton: Christless Christianity; p. 148.
5http://www.howtobooks.co.uk/family/
6http://www.howtobooks.co.uk/leisure/
7http://www.howtobooks.co.uk/abroad/
8http://www.wannalearn.com/How-To_Books/Outdoor_
Activities/#Wilderness%20Survival