HELP FOR THE HOME
(“The Practice of Forgiveness”)
Colossians 3:12-13 (NASU)
“… forgiv(e) each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.”
(Colossians 3:13)
Last week, after a three-month hiatus, we returned to our series entitled “Help For The Home”, by revisiting what the Apostle Paul had to say in Colossians chapter three (particularly verse thirteen) about the matter of forgiveness – namely that, as Christians, we should, “… forgiv(e) each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord (has) forg(iven) (us) …” (c.f. Colossians 3:13).
This morning, we are going to continue to reflect on this text, in order to see what else we can learn about “The Practice Of Forgiveness” – especially as it relates to our homes and families, and our marriages.
WE HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN SO WE CAN BE FORGIVING
(1) The issue of forgiveness is clearly the focus of this morning’s text (c.f. Colossians 3:13). Whenever two or more fallen people come together (especially for an extended period of time) – whether it’s in the workplace, or at school, or even in the church – sooner or later, one or more of them is going to say or do something that will give others an opportunity to practice forgiveness. And even though what Paul had to say about forgiving each other can (and should) be applied to every relationship we find ourselves in – as I said moments ago, we are particularly interested in applying what we find in this morning’s text to our homes, and families, and marriages.
(2) It’s clear that this command to forgive (c.f. Colossians 3:13) is addressed to people who are Christians – hence, to those (in verse twelve) “who have been chosen of God” – who are, “holy and beloved” – and whose sins (according to verse thirteen) “the Lord” has forgiven (c.f. Colossians 3:12-13).
We noted last time1 that while someone who is not a Christian can practice a human (or “fallen world”) kind of forgiveness, they are incapable of practicing the kind of forgiveness commanded in Scripture – in part, because they have never experienced Christ’s forgiveness of their own sins, so they have no frame of reference as to what that kind of forgiveness is like (nor do they have the power within themselves to do it). Hence, as far as non-Christians are concerned, commands like those found in this morning’s Scripture lesson are not designed to help them make themselves better people – they’re designed to call attention to their inability to obey – and then point them to Christ (c.f. Galatians 3:24), so they can stop trying to save themselves by their own efforts (which is utterly impossible), and be saved (instead) by God’s grace through repentance of sins and the gift of faith in Christ (c.f. Ephesians 2:8-9).
(3) The phrase in verse twelve about “having been CHOSEN by God”, is a reference to the doctrine of election (c.f. Colossians 3:12) – which reminds us salvation ultimately depends on God’s choice of us, not our choice of Him (c.f. John 15:16; Romans 9:15-16; I John 4:19) – that redemption is a matter of God’s GRACE, rather than our willingness or ability to contribute something (whether great or small) to our own redemption (c.f. Romans 3:28; Ephesians 2:5).
(4) In this context, however, it also reminds us that God does not simply elect people in order to save them – He also elects us so we can start practicing a new way of life!2 A life in which we learn (by Christ’s enabling grace) to put aside things like (look at verse five) “immorality, impurity … and greed” – to put aside things like (verse eight) “anger … slander and abusive speech” (c.f. Colossians 3:5, 8) – and to “put on” (or begin to put into practice) things like (verse twelve) “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (c.f. Colossians 3:12).
Part of this new way of life, to which we Christians have been elected, includes learning how to “forgive each other just as the Lord has forgiven us” (c.f. Colossians 3:13) – of learning how to put the forgiveness we have received from God through Christ into practice with others – to be as eager and ready to forgive our spouse, and our children, and our parents, as Christ was (and still is!) to forgive us ALL our sins!
(5) Perhaps that’s why John MacArthur, opened the fifth chapter of his book entitled The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness, by saying: “For a Christian to be willfully unforgiving is unthinkable. We who have been forgiven by God Himself have no right to withhold forgiveness from our fellow sinners”3 (be they Christians or not). After all, wasn’t that the essence of the parable Jesus told in Matthew chapter eighteen? – about a slave who refused to forgive his fellow slave, after the king had forgiven him an enormous and unpayable debt (compare Matthew 18:21-35)?
DEFINING THE “GOSPEL”
(1) The word “gospel”, as used throughout the New Testament, literally means “good news”4 (see Colossians 1:5, 23). Hence, in Luke chapter two, for example, when an angel told certain shepherds: “behold, I bring you GOOD NEWS of great joy” (c.f. Luke 2:10), he was referring to the “gospel”.
However, we need to be clear about what the “good news” of the “gospel” is – in part, because you might be surprised how often it’s misunderstood – and in some cases, even redefined in ways that strip it of its biblical meaning (and therefore, its power to save sinful people like you and me).
(2) For example, the “gospel” has NOTHING to do with you and I (supposedly) having the ability to make a better life for ourselves5 (and I say that, despite our favorite politician’s promises) (consider Matthew 5:36; Luke 12:25-26; John 15:4). Rather, the “gospel” is about God having sent a Savior – whose name is Jesus. Hence, that same angel we referred to moments ago, went on to tell the shepherds: 10“behold, I bring you GOOD NEWS of great joy …” – and what was that “good news”? – 11“for today in the city of David there has been born for you A SAVIOR, who is Christ the Lord (c.f. Luke 2:10-11). We need saving, first and foremost of all! – not help carving out a better life for ourselves here on earth! Before anything else, we need a Savior who can bridge the sin-gap between ourselves and God! – not greater prosperity, or better health!
Likewise, then, the “good news” has NOTHING to do with having all our dreams of wealth and self-improvement fulfilled, by supposedly being able to tap into God’s power6 – much like one plugs a toaster into an electrical socket. (Such teaching is an outright lie, even though it’s quite popular today!). Instead, the “good news” is that we have a Redeemer, whom Scripture says, “will save His people from their sins” (c.f. Matthew 1:21).
Again, the message of the “gospel” has NOTHING to do with (supposedly) being able to store up personal equity in heaven for future withdrawal, by being faithful during our time here on earth.7 This proposition can’t possibly be true, if Scripture is right when it says “all our RIGHTEOUS deeds are like filthy rags” in God’s sight (c.f. Isaiah 64:6). Instead, the message of the “gospel” is that we need a Savior – that Jesus of Nazareth is that Savior – and that as such, Scripture says, He will “(rescue) us from the wrath (of God)” we deserve on account of our sins (c.f. I Thessalonians 1:10).
NOR is the “good news” that, as long as I feel like my heart is right with God, I’m okay, even if I’m not perfect.8 The first problem with that line of reasoning is, that apart from Christ no one’s heart is ever right with God – while the second problem is, that Scripture says God DOES require perfection (c.f. Matthew 5:48)! Contrary to this kind of thinking, the “good news” is that, through faith in Jesus Christ, not only have ALL my sins been forgiven, but I have also been clothed (as it were) with His PERFECT righteousness (c.f. Colossians 1:14; Philippians 3:9; Hebrews 4:15) (rather than the dirty rags of my own!).
(3) God’s forgiveness of our sins, then, through the Person and Work of Jesus Christ, is at the very heart of the Gospel (c.f. Ephesians 1:7). Indeed, any “gospel” that does not include the forgiveness of sins by virtue of Christ’s work on the cross is a false “gospel”, that cannot and will not make anyone right with God!
It’s important, then, to see that Paul was referring to the heart of the true “gospel” in our text when he said, “just as THE LORD FORGAVE YOU, so also should you” (c.f. Colossians 3:13). In other words, we are to forgive others in the same way we have been forgiven9 – God’s forgiveness of our sins through Christ is to be the pattern for our forgiveness of our husband or wife, our parents or children (even our in-laws)!
So, how did God forgive us in Christ? What does that “gospel”-forgiveness look like? Without pretending to be exhaustive, I will mention four characteristics of our Savior’s forgiveness of us and our sins – which should also characterize our forgiveness of others, and their offenses against us (including those inside our homes, who are part of our families).
WHAT DOES GOD’S FORGIVENESS OF US (IN CHRIST) LOOK LIKE?
(1) First of all, then, God forgives us freely. (a) By that I mean, His forgiveness of our sins was not something we deserved, or were able to earn – indeed, one of the key components of Christ’s forgiveness (that separates it from the world’s) is that it’s wholly undeserved. No where in Scripture does God ever say, “I will forgive you as soon as you straighten up” – or, “I will forgive you as soon as you can convince Me you deserve it” – or, “I will forgive you once you make up for what you’ve done.” On the contrary, what we read is this – “Christ died for the ungodly” (c.f. Romans 5:6) (and He did so with no strings attached!) – and again, “while we were yet sinners Christ died for us” (c.f. Romans 5:8) (not decent and respectable people, but “sinners”) – and once more, this time from Jesus’ own lips (although I’m going to paraphrase what He said just a little): “it is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to (forgive those who think they are already) righteous, but sinners” (c.f. Mark 2:17) (i.e. Christ forgives the ones who need it most, but deserve it the least).
(b) In another place Jesus once said: “Freely you have received, freely give” (c.f. Matthew 10:8, NKJV). When it comes to the home, we are to forgive each other just as freely, and generously, and completely as Christ has forgiven us – even if we think the other family member doesn’t deserve it. Because in reality, they never will – just like you and I have never once deserved Christ’s forgiveness of any our sins (either before or after our conversion). Hence, Scripture talks about that grace God the Father has “FREELY bestowed” on us in Christ (c.f. Ephesians 1:6).
(2) Second, God forgives us readily. (a) By that I mean our Heavenly Father is always eager and willing to forgive our sins – that there is never any reluctance on His part to do so – never an inward disposition to find a reason for withholding His forgiveness from us – never a secret disappointment that He HAS TO forgive us because we asked Him to (i.e. Oh, Rats!).
(b) It’s important to understand (at this point) that none of the sins of non-Christians have been forgiven – that none of the sins of those who have not yet repented and professed saving faith in Jesus Christ have been forgiven, no matter how many times they may have asked (in some generic, non-saving way). Hence, the following assurances are not blanket promises for everyone without exception – rather, they only apply to those who are already God’s redeemed, covenant people. [Now, if you are not a Christian, these promises of forgiveness CAN apply to you IF you will confess your sins and repent, and profess faith in Christ – after all, Jesus Himself once said: “the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out” (c.f. John 6:37) – that is, “I will certainly not turn him away” – but until you do that, these promises of forgiveness do NOT apply to you, except as a picture of what will happen if you come to Christ in repentance and faith.]
With that caveat in mind, then, consider the following example of God’s READINESS to forgive the sins of His people, found in Psalm Thirty-Two, where David – after initially refusing to confess his sins of adultery and murder – finally did so. And once he did, he received immediate forgiveness, saying: “I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord’; and You forgave the guilt of my sin” (c.f. Psalm 32:5) – the point being that there was no lag between the moment David confessed his sins, and the moment God forgave him (compare II Samuel 12:13) – thereby illustrating the truth found in another passage of Scripture that says the “Lord (is) good, and READY to forgive” (c.f. Psalm 86:5).
(c) As Christians, then, you and I are to be as ready to forgive our husband or wife, when they offend us, as Christ is to forgive us – we are to be as ready to forgive our father or mother, or our son or daughter, if they should sin against us in some way, as our Savior has been to forgive us – as ready to forgive our brother or sister, when they say or do something that hurts us, as our Lord is to forgive us.
I’m not saying it will always be easy – although some offenses will be easier to forgive than others. That’s why we always need to rely on Christ’s enabling grace (c.f. Hebrews 2:18; 4:15-16) – because without it, we will most certainly fall short of the kind of forgiveness required of us in this morning’s text (c.f. Colossians 3:13).
(3) Third, God forgives us completely (or totally).10 (a) By that I mean He is ready to freely forgive ALL our sins, not just some of them. To be sure, every sin is bad in God’s sight – BUT, no sin (or accumulation of sins) is too bad for Him to forgive! Every sin is an offense to God on account of His holiness (c.f. Habakkuk 1:13) – BUT, no sin (or collection of sins) is so offensive that He will not forgive! Every sin is evil (make no mistake about that!) – BUT, no sin is so evil that it cannot be forgiven!
(b) About now, someone is probably saying to themselves: “What about the unpardonable sin?” – which Jesus defined as blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, and said that it would “not be forgiven” (c.f. Matthew 12:31-32)? It isn’t within the scope of this message to do a detailed study of this particular transgression. So I will simply say that, unless you have deliberately credited the work of the Holy Spirit to the devil – or unless you have knowingly accused Jesus of casting out demons by the power of Satan (c.f. Matthew 12:24) (or done any of His other miracles by Satan’s power), then you probably don’t have to worry about whether or not you have committed the unpardonable sin. Instead of dwelling on whether you have or not, you should remember Jesus said (in this same context) that “every other sin and blasphemy people commit CAN BE FORGIVEN” (c.f. Matthew 12:31)!
(c) So, have you, as a Christian, committed adultery? – That sin (as serious as it is) can be forgiven! Have you, as a Christian, committed murder? – That sin (as offensive as it is to God) can be forgiven! Have you, as a Christian, lied? – or stolen something that didn’t belong to you? – have you committed fornication, or incest? – have you dishonored your parents, or worshipped the idol of greed? – ALL those sins (and every other one you can think of) can be forgiven!
Have you (as a Christian) committed some of these sins multiple times? Are you worried you have exhausted God’s patience, or supposedly used up your allotted quota of His forgiveness? Then I have some “good news” for you – with Christ there is an inexhaustible well of forgiveness, not just for some of your sins, but for ALL your sins, no matter how many times you have committed them (c.f. Matthew 18:21-22)!
(d) That’s not meant to give us an excuse to presume upon God’s grace, by deliberately choosing to continue in our sin (c.f. Romans 6:1-2) – rather, it’s meant to give us some inkling of the boundless depth and breadth of Christ’s forgiveness – of just how far He is willing to go when He says: “If you will confess your sins, I am faithful and righteous to forgive you your sins and cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness” (c.f. I John 1:9).
(e) By way of application, then, as Christians you and I are to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven us (c.f. Colossians 3:13) – which means (among other things) that when we forgive a member of our family, we are to do so completely! That deliberately choosing to withhold our forgiveness is not an option – that there is no sin committed against us by our husband or wife that we are to consider as being unforgivable – no offense committed against us by one of our parents, or one of our children, that we are to judge as being beyond the scope of our forgiveness – no words or actions of a brother or sister that have wounded us, that we can look at and say, “I will never forgive them for that”.
(f) I know, once again, that I’m leaving some important questions unanswered – like, “What’s the relationship (if any) between forgiveness and holding someone accountable for their sinful behavior?” – or, “What if a person asks for forgiveness, but then keeps repeating the offense?” But I’m leaving questions like these unanswered (again), because I’m still more interested in the basics of Christ-like forgiveness, rather than some of its nuances.
Recently, professional basketball player LeBron James had an off-night, where he couldn’t hit anything beyond a lay-up or free-throw. Film of the game showed that he wasn’t setting his feet right before taking his jump shots – in other words, one of the game’s fundamentals was messing up his shooting.
When it comes to practicing forgiveness in the home, we need to constantly work on the fundamentals. And one of those fundamentals has to do with learning to forgive people completely – to be ready to forgive ANY AND EVERY offense committed against us – after the example of our Savior’s forgiveness of ALL our sins against Him, both before and after our conversion!
(4) Finally, for our purposes this morning, God forgives us permanently. And by that I mean, once God forgives a particular sin, it’s gone, never to be brought up again – never to be used against us at some future date – never left lurking in the background as a reminder of what we have done.
(a) This wonderful truth is conveyed to us in Scripture through the use of several vivid pictures or metaphors. For example, in the Book of Isaiah, King Hezekiah said (of God): “… You have cast all my sins behind Your back” (c.f. Isaiah 36:17) – the point being, that which is behind one’s back can’t be seen – and therefore, it’s as though it no longer exists. When God forgives our sins, it’s as though they never happened – instead of standing between Him and us, they are removed, so that whatever separation they caused no longer exists!
(b) The prophet Micah wrote: 18“Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity … (who) does not retain His anger forever, (but) delights in unchanging love. 19He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea” (c.f. Micah 7:18-19). When God cast Pharaoh’s army into the Red Sea, they ceased to be a problem to the people of Israel (see Exodus 14:13). When God casts our sins into the sea (as it were), they cease to be a problem so far as our relationship with Him is concerned.
What’s more, the fact He casts our sins “into the DEEPEST parts of the sea” means they are gone forever – never to be “brought up” again (as it were) and used against us in the future.
(c) Through the prophet Jeremiah, the Lord has said: “I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more” (c.f. Jeremiah 31:34) – a promise that’s repeated for emphasis in the tenth chapter of the Book of Hebrews (c.f. Hebrews 10:17). How can the omniscient God not remember something? The answer is, He can’t (He can’t “not remember”). Hence, the promise being made here is not that God will forget our sins, or erase them somehow from His all-knowing memory – rather, it’s that when He forgives our sins, so far as our relationship with Him is concerned, it’s as though He has forgotten them – because He will never bring them up again, or use them against us at some future date.
(d) Finally, in Psalm One Hundred and Three, David (who had a lot of first-hand experience with God’s forgiveness of his sins) wrote: 11“… as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. 12As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (c.f. Psalm 103:11-12).
Did you know that if you were to starting traveling north from Alamogordo, when you reached the North Pole your direction would automatically change, and you would begin traveling south? – or, if you were to start traveling south from Alamogordo, if you kept going right on past the South Pole, that you would then be going north? BUT, if you start traveling east, you will never come to a point on the globe where you are going west! – or, if you start traveling west, you will never come to a point where you are suddenly traveling east!
To say, then, that when God forgives our sins, He removes them “as far as the east is from the west” tells us they are permanently removed – that the penalty for them is gone forever – that there is no possibility we will ever have to suffer the eternal consequences we deserve on account of our sins – so that, it’s as though we had never sinned in the first place!
Such is the magnitude of God’s mercy toward us! – the greatness of His grace! – even the unfathomable nature of His forgiveness of our sins (c.f. Romans 11:3)!
(e) When you and I, as Christians, are called upon to forgive our husband or wife – one of our children, or one of our parents – a brother or sister – or some other family member – as Christians, when we forgive, we are to do so permanently, “just as the Lord (has) forg(iven) (us)” (c.f. Colossians 3:13). Which means (among other things) that we are to “cast their sins behind our back” (c.f. Isaiah 36:17) – that we are to “throw ALL their sins into the depths of the sea” (c.f. Micah 7:19) – that we are to “remember their sins against us no more” (c.f. Jeremiah 31:34) – that we are to practice an “east-west” kind of forgiveness, rather than the “north-south” variety (c.f. Psalm 103:12)!
(5) This is how we have been forgiven, in Christ – and BY HIS ENABLING GRACE (c.f. Hebrews 2:18; 4:16) this is how we are to practice forgiveness in our home with the other members of our family – i.e. when we are called upon to forgive, we are to do so freely, readily, completely, and permanently!
BIBLIOGRAPHY
1http://www.wpcpca.org/Archive/02-22-09-am.html (or,
http://www.wpcpca.org/Archive/05-31-09-am.html)
2Hendricksen: New Testament Commentary; Colossians;
p. 155.
3MacArthur: The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness; p. 97.
4BCS: Strong’s Concordance; Word #2098.
5Horton: Christless Christianity; p. 85.
6IBID; p. 83.
7IBID; p. 87.
8IBID; p. 88.
9MacArthur: Ibid; p. 118,
10MacArthur: The MacArthur Bible Commentary; p. 1743.