HELP FOR THE HOME

(“The Portrait Of A Flourishing Family”)

Psalm 128:1-6 (NASU)

¹“How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. ²When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, you will be happy and it will be well with you. ³Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table. ⁴Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.” (Psalm 128:1-4)

1. THE FOUNDATION OF FAMILY BLESSINGS

(1) In biblical times “fruitful vine(s)” and “olive plants” (c.f. Psalm 128:3) were considered signs of God’s favor. Hence, the picture in our text is one of a family enjoying God’s blessings. What’s more, John MacArthur suggests that verses two and three describe the following SPECIFIC blessings¹ – first, ample provision or prosperity (as in, verse two: “… you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, you will be happy and it will be well with you” (c.f. Psalm 128:2) – second, a “fruitful” or productive wife (verse three), not only in terms of bearing children, but also (perhaps) in terms of the “excellent wife” described in Proverbs chapter thirty-one, whose “worth” to her husband and family “is” invaluable (or, “far above jewels” (c.f. Psalm 128:3; Proverbs 31:10-31) – and third (also in verse three), “children” who are flourishing, presumably in every possible way, physically and mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and perhaps even numerically (c.f. Psalm 128:3; 127:3-5).

(2) It’s a beautiful picture – one most families would love to experience – but also one many families fall short of. For while some families (for example) may be enjoying a measure of material prosperity (albeit. always and only by God’s grace – c.f. Deuteronomy 8:18), their children are a mess – or their marriage is not mutually satisfying. Other families may be enjoying children who are flourishing in school (for example), or sports – but their family as a whole is floundering relationally, in part because the various members don’t know how to communicate with each other effectively. Still other couples (thanks to God’s common grace) may actually be enjoying a modest measure of marital success – but they’ve lost their children spiritually – or they’re on the verge of being overwhelmed by debt, because they don’t know how to handle the financial resources God has chosen to give them.

(3) Since “fear(ing) the Lord, (and) walk(ing) in His ways” is the basis upon which the blessings in our text are given (c.f. Psalm 128:1), we shouldn’t be surprised when we encounter non-Christian families who are NOT enjoying all – or in some cases, any – of these promised blessings. What’s really sad, however is the number of CHRISTIAN families who are not enjoying all or some of these blessings. And if we inquire as to why, one answer is because they are not really committed to “fear(ing) the Lord, (or) walk(ing) in His ways” (c.f. Psalm 128:1). They give Him lip service, to be sure – but any serious or prolonged “practical, heart-felt service” is absent. They know what the Scriptures say they should be doing – they even feel a little guilty about not doing it – but for the most part they aren’t putting any real effort into walking in a manner worthy of their calling in Christ (c.f. Colossians 1:10). And until that changes, the promises summarized in verse four, where we’re told: “… thus shall the man be blessed WHO FEARS THE LORD” (c.f. Psalm 128:4), (those blessings, described in verses two and three – c.f. Psalm 128:2-3) are not going to come true for them (c.f. Deuteronomy 28:1-2). To put it another way, until they “fear the Lord enough to start walking in His ways” (c.f. Psalm 128:1), they have no right to expect any of the financial or familial blessings promised in this morning’s text.

(B) A TALE OF TWO “OLOGIES”

(1) If I were to sum up what I think the goal of this series of messages on the Home is, it would be at least two-fold. First, to teach us (or, in some cases, remind us of – c.f. II Peter 1:13) what GOD’S WORD has to say about various issues related to marriage, family and the home – rather than telling you what the “ologies” of the world have to say (and this, despite the fact some are concerned I may be cutting myself off from a secondary source of truth – a concern I have not taken lightly, by the way). The second purpose, as I see it, is to impress upon all of us (myself included) the importance of being a “doer or practitioner of God’s word, not just a listener” (c.f. James 1:22) – which means (among other things) that we actually turn to God’s word, FIRST AND LAST, when we do need help in our marriage or our family – rather than suddenly abandoning Scripture for the wisdom of the world, when things get really tough.

(2) This morning’s text is a good example of the latter, because the blessings promised in it are contingent upon “fearing the Lord” (c.f. Psalm 128:1, 4). What’s more, in Scripture “fearing the Lord” is not so much an emotion as it is an action – an action that involves reverencing the Lord enough to OBEY Him – an action that involves respecting the Lord enough to actually DO what He says. Hence, the Book of Proverbs tells us to: “… fear the Lord AND turn away from evil” (that is, stop doing what displeases Him) (c.f. Proverbs 3:7) – while the Psalmist says that, “… the man who fears the Lord … (ALSO) greatly delights in His commandments” (which means his fear of the Lord leads him to obey God’s commands) (c.f. Psalm 112:1). Even verse one of this morning’s text says: “How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord (and how is that “fear” or reverence demonstrated?), who walks in His ways” (c.f. Psalm 128:1).

(3) It should also be noted (before we move on), that in order for any family to flourish to its fullest – in order for your family or mine to enjoy ALL the blessings promised in this morning’s text (c.f. Psalm 128:2-3) – EVERY member needs to come to the place where they “fear the Lord”¹ (c.f. Psalm 128:1, 4). EVERY member needs to be striving to “walk in His ways” (c.f. Psalm 128:1) – and that, NOT by the flesh, but by the Spirit (c.f. Galatians 3:3) – NOT in our own strength, but by that which God alone supplies, (c.f. I Peter 4:11, NKJV) – NOT by human wisdom or willpower, but by Christ’s enabling grace (c.f. Hebrews 4:16).

Hence, Scripture commands “husbands” to “love (their) wives, JUST AS CHRIST … loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (c.f. Ephesians 5:25) (which means husbands are to love their wives selflessly and sacrificially) – while “fathers” are commanded to “bring … up (their children) in the discipline and instruction OF THE LORD” (c.f. Ephesians 6:4), rather than “the wisdom of the world”, which is not only “passing away” (c.f. I John 2:17), and Satanically inspired in many instances (c.f. Ephesians 2:2), but also involves things like “the lust of the flesh … the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life” (c.f. I John 2:16)

God’s word commands “wives” to “be subject to (their) own husbands (in everything), AS TO THE LORD” (c.f. Ephesians 5:22, 24) (which means a wife cannot be in submission to Christ, if she is not in subjection to her husband). Wives are also to “RESPECT their husbands” (c.f. Ephesians 5:31) (which is not something the world teaches, or models) – while “mothers” are commanded to help (c.f. Genesis 2:18) their husbands instruct their children in “the fear OF THE LORD” (c.f. Proverbs 1:7-8) (which involves showing the Lord reverence and honor by worshipping Him, and loving Him, and serving Him, and obeying Him).

According to the Bible, “children” have a duty to “honor (their) father and mother”, even after they leave home – and to “obey (them) IN THE LORD” (c.f. Ephesians 6:1-2), while they are still at home, (in part) by “observ(ing) the commandment(s) of (their) father and … not forsak(ing) the teaching of (their) mother” (c.f. Proverbs 6:20). In fact, there’s a sense in which children should not forsake the teaching of their parents even after they have established homes of their own – but we will address that in a future message, Lord willing.

(4) As I mentioned a few moments ago, these things can only be done by Christ’s enabling grace (c.f. Hebrews 2:17-18) – NOT by human effort or willpower. This is one of the problems I have with the “ologies” of the world when it comes to issues regarding marriage and the family – not that there aren’t some practical tidbits that may prove helpful (at least superficially) – but that the underlying philosophy of this counsel is invariably humanistic, or moralistic. In other words, one of the subtle messages being communicated to us (whenever we aren’t being relieved of all responsibility whatsoever) (one of the subtle messages) is: “Here’s what you need to do. And YOU CAN do it, if you will just try harder!”

This stands in opposition to one of the basic messages of the Gospel, and Scripture as a whole, which says: “Here’s what you need to do; but you can’t possibly do it on your own (c.f. II Corinthians 3:5). You need to rely on Christ to help you to do it right.” What’s more, doing it right involves more than learning a few external techniques – it also involves learning to identify and deal with the sinful inclinations and motivations of our own heart (c.f. Psalm 139:23-24; Jeremiah 17:9).

Regarding our desperate need for help (not only when it comes to marriage and family, but also when it comes to everything else in life), Jesus Himself once said: ⁴“… No branch can bear fruit BY ITSELF; it must remain in the vine. (In the same way) Neither can you bear fruit UNLESS YOU REMAIN IN ME. ⁵I am the vine; you are (just) the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; (but) APART FROM ME YOU CAN DO (What?) NOTHING” (c.f. John 15:4-5) (Let that word sink into your consciousness for moment …..)

(5) You see, the world says: “If you do X, Y, and Z, you’ll have a happy, healthy home.” But Scripture says: “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it …” (c.f. Psalm 127:1). In other words, unless the Lord is at work in your home, no amount of X, Y’s, and Z’s will give you the kind of marriage or family described in this morning’s text (c.f. Psalm 128:1-4).

That’s because the “ologies” of the world usually tell us that many marriage and family problems stem from outside influences – like poverty, too much stress at work, or even the wrong political party being in power. But Jesus once said: ¹⁵“there is nothing OUTSIDE the man which can defile him (now, I know Jesus was talking first and foremost of all about food – but I believe we can apply what He said to more than that) (“there is nothing OUTSIDE THE MAN which can defile him) … but the things which proceed OUT OF THE MAN are what defile (him) … ²¹For FROM WITHIN (not from without, but from “within”), out of the (fallen, sinful) heart of men, proceed … evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, ²²deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness” (c.f. Mark 7:15, 21-22) – any one of which will have a devastating effect on our homes, and our marriages, and our families.

The point is this – ultimately, it’s not the OUTSIDE pressures of living in a fallen world that create problems within marriages and families (Jesus proved that by living a perfect, sinless life – c.f. Matthew 4:1-11; Hebrews 4:15) – it’s the way we choose to handle those pressures, BASED ON THE INWARD SPIRITUAL CONDITION OR INCLINATION OF OUR SINFUL HEART!

The world sends out a lot of different, even conflicting messages. Hence, there’s also a part of the world that says, many marital and family difficulties stem from organic problems – like all the fat content in Big Mac’s – or people not taking medication to relieve their depression – or genetic predispositions toward alcoholism, or an “alternate” sexual orientation. But this morning’s text implies that miserable marriages, dysfunctional families, and unhealthy homes stem from people choosing “not to fear the Lord or walk in His ways” (c.f. Psalm 128:1-4).

(6) Now, I’m willing to concede the obvious – i.e. that there are people who have genuine organic problems – like chronic headaches, ulcers, strokes, the onset of Alzheimer’s, fractured hips, glandular malfunctions,² impotence, even brain damage³ – and a host of other VERIFIABLE physical maladies that can have a negative effect on their marriage or family relationships.

What I am not willing to concede, however, is that organic problems are at the root of MOST marriage and family difficulties – in fact, I’m not even willing to concede they are at the root of MANY of our marriage and family problems. Indeed, I think it’s extremely rare for a truly organic problem to be the SOLE reason why people aren’t enjoying the marriage and family blessings described in this morning’s text (c.f. Psalm 128:1-4). Because even when there is an organic problem, it’s invariably accompanied by spiritual issues that CANNOT be resolved by a prescription or surgery – but only through the confession of sin and repentance (c.f. Deuteronomy 5:29; I John 1:8-9).

(7) We also need to be aware of the fact that some people develop organic problems because they have persisted in a sinful attitude or action. In other words, it’s possible to become sick (literally) by failing to do obey our Heavenly Father.

For example, Jay Adams says that prolonged WORRY (c.f. Matthew 6:25-34) (which often comes from a lack of trust in God) can lead to ulcers (or chronic headaches) – that lingering FEAR (which also comes from a lack of confidence in God) can cause some forms of paralysis – while protracted RESENTMENT (i.e. bitterness, anger, or hate) can lead to colitis.² In such cases, people have actually developed organic problems because they haven’t dealt with the sin in their life. Indeed, their sinful behavior is the source of their physical trouble – which then becomes a contributing factor to their marriage or family difficulties, even though it’s NOT the root of those problems. However, the tendency of fallen creatures is to excuse their personal responsibility by blaming the organic problem – AND then to treat the physical malady, while ignoring the spiritual issues that caused it.

(8) The thing we have to be aware of, then, as Christians, is that some of the advice the “ologies” of the world offer regarding marriage techniques and organic problems do seem to work – but only on the surface, because they are only treating symptoms. ONLY JESUS CHRIST can change our sinful attitudes and actions – ONLY OUR SAVIOR (not this or that technique, or this or that medication) has the power to change the sinful condition and motivations of our heart. And that’s where I think the root of every marriage and family problem ultimately lies (c.f. Matthew 15:19).

(C) A BEATITUDE FOR THE FAMILY

(1) In the time we have left, then, let’s go back and take a quick look at our text, starting with verse one which says: “How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways” (c.f. Psalm 128:1)

(a) Note once again that we “fear the Lord” by “walking in His ways” – that we reverence Him by obeying His commands – that the best way to honor Him is by doing what He tell us to do in His word (c.f. James 1:22). Jesus expressed the same idea when He said: “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments” (c.f. John 14:15).

Charles Spurgeon said: “It’s useless to talk about fearing the Lord (or loving Him) if we act like those who have no care whether there is a God or not. If the heart is truly joined to the Lord, the feet will (soon) follow …”⁴

The opposite is also true – namely, that if we do not “walk in His ways”, the only reason for that (aside from a lack of knowledge regarding what God’s word says) is because we do not fear Him – because there’s no deep sense of awe or reverence in our hearts for Him. Hence, Scripture tells us that “dominion and awe belong to Him” (c.f. Job 25:2) – that we are to “stand in awe of Him” (c.f. Psalm 22:23) – and that we are to “offer (Him) acceptable service with reverence and awe” (c.f. Hebrews 12:28).

(b) Moving on, we find that Scripture consistently says “EVERYONE” who “walks in the ways of the Lord” WILL BE “blessed” – and that, regardless of their situation – i.e. whether they are married or single, widowed or divorced, have lots of children or no children at all, plenty of money or just enough to pay the bills. The blessings will not be the same in every instance – but Scripture promises God will bless “EVERYONE” who “walks in His ways” (c.f. Psalm 128:1). Hence, Psalm 119 says: ¹“How blessed are those whose way is blameless, WHO WALK IN THE LAW OF THE LORD. ²How blessed are those who OBSERVE His testimonies, who seek Him with all their heart” (c.f. Psalm 119:1-2) – while Jesus once said: “Blessed … are those who hear the word of God and OBEY it” (c.f. Luke 11:28, NIV).

(2) In our text, however, the blessings associated with “fearing the Lord and walking in His ways” (c.f. Psalm 128:1) are directed specifically toward the home – beginning with material blessings as a result of our work. Look at verse two – “When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, you will be happy and it will be well with you” (c.f. Psalm 128:2).

(a) Note that God’s promised blessings of material prosperity ordinarily come as a direct result of our work – i.e. “the fruit of (our) hands” (c.f. Psalm 128:2). Remember, too, that work predates the Fall (c.f. Genesis 2:15) – and that it only became “toilsome and sweaty” after the Fall (c.f. Genesis 3:17-19) Hence, God is NOT promising to bless us materially while we sit on the couch eating potato chips and watching TV. As Paul said (in his typical politically incorrect manner): “if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either” (c.f. II Thessalonians 3:10). Hence, whatever measure of material prosperity God chooses to bless our home with, will be tied (in part) to our willingness to work. As the Book of Ecclesiastes says: “Here is what I have seen to be good and fitting: to eat, to drink and enjoy oneself in all one’s labor in which he toils under the sun during the few years of his life which God has given him; for this is his reward” (c.f. Ecclesiastes 5:18).

(b) The other thing we need to note here is that this is a GENERAL promise – rather than a blanket promise to make every Christian a millionaire (which is how the false prophets of the “health and wealth” gospel might interpret it). It’s a general promise, having to do with happiness and satisfaction in life – not necessarily how much money we have in our savings account, or how many cars we have in our garage. It’s a general promise having to do with happiness and satisfaction in life – in keeping with Paul’s statement in First Timothy chapter six, where he said: “If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content” (c.f. I Timothy 6:7) – or Jesus’ statement in His Sermon on the Mount, to the effect that we should: ³¹“not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ ³²For the Gentiles (i.e. unbelievers) eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (c.f. Matthew 6:31-33).

To put it in terms of this morning’s text, “we are to fear the Lord, and walk in His ways – and He, in turn, will provide us with everything our family needs to be happy and content” (c.f. Psalm 128:1-2).

(3) The other promised blessings having to do with the home are that, when we “fear the Lord and walk in His ways” (c.f. Psalm 128:1) (verse three), “Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, (and) your children like olive plants around your table” (c.f. Psalm 128:3).

(a) R. C. Sproul observes that these kinds of blessings are often foreign to the world, in that so few non-Christians (at least in our culture) value a good marriage over worldly success, or cherish children over wealth. Yet, unlike the world, the Lord holds marriage and the family in high esteem – and we should do no less.⁵ And one way we do that is by “fearing the Lord, and walking in His ways”, when it comes to what His word has to say about marriage and family life.

(b) We’ve already noted that a “fruitful” wife (c.f. Psalm 128:3) – especially in bible times – was one who bore her husband many children. However, Charles Spurgeon noted that Christian wives can also be fruitful in terms of kindness, thrift, helpfulness and affection – even if they never bear any children, they can be (and should be) fruitful in many good works (c.f. I Timothy 5:9-10).⁶

(c) As for the comparison of “children” to “olive plants” (c.f. Psalm 128:3), James Boice notes that olive trees take a long time to mature and become profitable. But when patiently cultivated they become quite valuable, and continue to produce a profitable crop for several centuries.⁷ The analogy to children, and the raising of the same, is self-evident.

(4) Our text closes with verse four, where the psalmist says: “Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord” (c.f. Psalm 128:4).

(a) We should NOT infer from this passage that God only blesses men who are married, or are fathers – or that He only blesses women who are married, and mothers – that He only blesses those homes where married people with children live. What IS being said, however, is that this is how God ordinarily shows His favor to those who have been called to domestic life.⁸

(b) So, would you like this picture to be a portrait of your home – your marriage – your family? Then stop turning to the world for counsel every time you need help, and remember instead to “fear God and keep His commandments” (c.f. Ecclesiastes 12:13; Psalm 128:1). For the promise is (verse four): “Behold, (this is how the Lord will bless) the man … WHO FEARS (HIM, and walks in His ways)” (c.f. Psalm 128:4) – i.e. with a prosperous, happy home – a fruitful, productive wife – and children who are thriving “like olive plants around your table” (c.f. Psalm 128:2-3).

BIBLIOGRAPHY

¹MacArthur: The MacArthur Bible Commentary; p. 685.

²Adams: Christian Living in the Home; p. 17.

³IBID; p. 16.

⁴Spurgeon: The Treasury of David; Vol. III; Part 2; p. 97.

⁵Table Talk: November 10, 1994; p. 27.

⁶Spurgeon: Ibid; pgs. 98-99.

⁷Boice: Psalms; Vol. 3; p. 1128.

⁸Spurgeon: Ibid; p. 99.