HELP FOR THE HOME

(“God’s Promise To Children”)


Ephesians 6:1-4 (NASU)


2“Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.”

(Ephesians 6:2-3)



  1. AND NOW, A WORD TO CHILDREN

(1) Most of you know that many of the books in the New Testament were actually letters – letters written to churches in such places as Galatia (c.f. Galatians 1:2) and Colossae (c.f. Colossians 1:2) – Philippi (c.f. Philippians 1:1) and Thessalonica (c.f. I Thessalonians 1:1) – and in the case of this morning’s Scripture lesson, the church “at Ephesus” (c.f. Ephesians 1:1).

(2) In these letters, the apostles pronounced curses on all those who were “distort(ing) the gospel of Christ” (c.f. Galatians 1:6-9) – dealt with doctrinal matters like justification by faith (c.f. Galatians 3:11) – and explained how it’s not the physical descendants of Abraham who are sons of the patriarch, but those who walk by faith just as he did (c.f. Galatians (c.f. Galatians 3:6-9).

There are also numerous commands, like – “have (the) same attitude (of humility) in yourselves which was … in Christ Jesus” (c.f. Philippians 2:5) – and, “whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father” (c.f. Colossians 3:17) – and, “this is the will of God … that you abstain from sexual immorality” (c.f. I Thessalonians 4:3).

(3) In the Book of Ephesians, where this morning’s Scripture lesson comes from, Paul dealt with such weighty doctrinal issues as predestination (c.f. Ephesians 1:4, 11) – the fact salvation cannot be earned by human effort; rather, it is solely and only by God’s grace, through the gift of faith (c.f. Ephesians 2:8-9) – plus his God-given insight into a divine mystery that had not been made known to previous generations, namely that “gentiles (like you and me) are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body (of Christ), and fellow partakers of the promises in Christ Jesus through the gospel” (c.f. Ephesians 3:3-6).

(4) As you know, copy machines didn’t exist in the first century A.D. – nor could people build e-mail lists and send letters to dozens or hundreds of people at the same time. Hence, these inspired letters (like Paul’s letter to the Ephesians) were read aloud to the congregations to which they were addressed (in part, because there weren’t enough copies to pass around to everyone).

It’s interesting to note, then, that the apostles assumed there would be children in these congregations listening to these letters being read1 (even little children, listening to weighty doctrines) – and that occasionally they addressed these children directly (c.f. Colossians 3:20), like Paul does in this morning’s Scripture lesson when he tells them to “obey (their) parents”, and “honor (their) father and mother” (c.f. Ephesians 6:1-3).

(5) Children have always been included in God’s covenants with His elect people – from His declaration to Abraham, saying: “I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants … to be God to you and to your descendants …” (c.f. Genesis 17:7) – to the Apostle Peter’s declaration on the Day of Pentecost (which some look upon as the birthday of the Church as we know it today), saying: 38“… be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins … 39For the promise is for you and your children …” (c.f. Acts 2:38-39).

(6) The fact children are included in God’s covenant with His chosen people means they also have certain responsibilities2 – just like their parents.

Jesus once summed up the “whole law and the prophets” in two commandments, saying: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind” – and, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (c.f. Matthew 22:36-40). And one of the ways children fulfill these two summary commands is by “obey(ing) (their) parents in the Lord”, and “honor(ing) (their) father and mother” (c.f. Ephesians 6:1-2).

As we noted in a previous message, the command to “obey” changes as children grow up and become adults with families of their own. But no child (no matter how old) ever outgrows the command to “honor (their) father and mother” (c.f. Mark 7:10-13) – because, as John Calvin said: “the precept to honor our father and mother (encompasses) all the duties by which the sincere affection and respect of children to their parents can be expressed.”3

One of the primary ways young children and teenagers “honor” their parents is by being “obedient”. As we become adults, however, we may not have to “obey” our parents as much – but we will always need to “honor” them – not only by the way we speak to them, and about them to others – or by the way we personally treat them (c.f. Proverbs 19:26) – but also by the way we conduct ourselves in the world, so that they are honored (rather than dishonored) by our the way we speak and act – whether at home or on the job, at church or at the grocery store (c.f. Proverbs 28:7).


  1. AN INCENTIVE TO HONOR OUR PARENTS

(1) It’s interesting to note that one of the sins, which invariably brings the threat of God’s judgment upon a nation, is the widespread disobedience of children.4 Indeed, a pervasive attitude of rebellion toward parental authority is one of the sure signs of a morally corrupt and decaying society. What’s more, this culture of disobedience comes about, in part, whenever parents don’t take their responsibility to discipline their children, and bring them up in the way they should go, seriously (c.f. Proverbs 13:4; 22:6; Ephesians 6:4).

Hence, the first chapter of the Book of Romans lists “disobedience to parents” as one of the sins that inevitably follows when people no longer acknowledge God (along with greed and murder, strife and deceit, being inventors of evil, and a host of other things that offend the Lord). That passage also says those who practice these things “are worthy of death” (c.f. Romans 1:28-32; Exodus 21:15, 17).

Likewise, Second Timothy chapter three says that “disobedience to parents” will be especially widespread in “the last days” leading up to Christ’s return (along with other sins the Lord hates, like being lovers of self, lovers of money, lovers of pleasure, and without self-control, to mention only a few) – and it goes on to say that Christians are to “avoid such people as these” (c.f. II Timothy 3:1-5), lest their evil attitudes and practices rub off on us (c.f. I Corinthians 15:33).

(2) In this morning’s text, rather than threatening children of all ages with retribution (which is a legitimate form of discipline, by the way), (instead of doing that) God gives us a positive incentive to “honor (our) father and mother”, by reminding us that the fifth commandment “is the first (one) with a promise” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2; Deuteronomy 5:16) – the promise being, “that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (c.f. Ephesians 6:3).

(a) As most of you already know, repetition is one of the ways Scripture emphasizes doctrines and commands that are especially important. Hence, it should come as no surprise to learn that something as significant and basic to human life as the Ten Commandments are stated twice in Scripture, en masse – once in Exodus chapter twenty, and again in the fifth chapter of the Book of Deuteronomy (c.f. Exodus 20:2-17; Deuteronomy 5:6-21) – and, that all Ten are repeated separately elsewhere in Scripture in one way or another (c.f. Romans 13:9; Ephesians 6:2-3). For example, the specific command to “honor our father and mother” is quoted at least eight times – twice in the Old Testament (c.f. Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16), and six times in the New5 (c.f. Matthew 15:4; 19:9; Mark 7:10; 10:19; Luke 18:20; Ephesians 6:2) – with numerous other passages inferring what that command states explicitly (c.f. Proverbs 6:20; 19:26; 23:22, 25).

(b) As far as this morning’s text is concerned, Paul quotes from the Book of Deuteronomy rather than the Book of Exodus – which says: “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you” (c.f. Deuteronomy 5:16).

(c) We’ll come back to that promise in moment, and see how it applies to Christian children today – but first, we need to address what Paul meant when he said the fifth commandment “is the first (one) with a promise” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2) – because skeptics and unbelievers are fond of challenging the accuracy of this statement, by pointing out that other commandments preceding this one also have promises attached to them – so how can Paul say the command to “honor one’s father and mother” is the FIRST one with a promise?

(d) As a matter of fact, the second commandment does have a general promise,6 saying: 4“You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. 5You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, VISITING THE INIQUITY OF THE FATHERS ON THE CHILDREN, ON THE THIRD AND THE FOURTH GENERATIONS OF THOSE WHO HATE ME, 6BUT SHOWING LOVINGKINDNESS TO THOUSANDS … WHO LOVE ME AND KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS” (c.f. Exodus 20:4-6). Now that “stuff” about “visiting the iniquity of … fathers on (their) children”, and “showing lovingkindness to thousands (of those) who keep God’s commandments”, sure sounds like promises – don’t they?

Then there’s the third commandment, which says: “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, FOR THE LORD WILL NOT LEAVE HIM UNPUNISHED WHO TAKES HIS NAME IN VAIN” (c.f. Exodus 20:7). Again, that sure sounds like a promise – a threatening promise, perhaps – but a promise none-the-less. So, how can we answer critics who say Paul was wrong when he claimed that the fifth commandment (to honor our father and mother) is “the FIRST (one) with a promise” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2)?7

(e) Several explanations have been offered, which I will not go into this morning for the sake of time. If you are interested in learning what they are, I suggest you look at William Hendricksen’s commentary on the Book of Ephesians,8 which can be found in our church’s library – or that you consult some other reputable and conservative commentary.

The most plausible explanation (in my opinion) is that the Greek word translated “first” (“protos”)9 doesn’t always refer to a numerical sequence – sometimes it has to do with rank,6 or weight of importance.10 Hence, in the Gospel of Mark, for example, when Jesus was asked: “Which is the FIRST (“protos”) commandment of all?” (c.f. Mark 12:28, NKJV) (same Greek word as in our text) – He wasn’t being asked to name the very first command God ever gave to mankind (because that would have been, “Don’t eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil” – c.f. Genesis 2:16-17). Rather, He was being asked to name the “foremost” command (NASU), or “the most important” (NIV) commandment God ever gave (which is how the NASU and NIV translate it).

In all likelihood, that’s how Paul used the word “first” in this morning’s text – not in terms of sequence, but in terms of importance or significance or weight.

(f) However, we can’t leave our explanation there – because if we do someone may mistakenly think we’re saying the fifth commandment, to “honor our father and mother”, is more important (or “ranks” higher than) the command to have “no other gods before Me” (for example) (c.f. Exodus 20:3) – which is pretty important!

What’s more, when Jesus listed the two most important commandments in all of Scripture (Matthew 22:36-40), “honoring our father and mother” wasn’t one of them – although it does fall under the second, about “loving our neighbor as ourselves” (c.f. Romans 13:8-10).

Hence, we also need to be aware of the fact that (according to William Hendricksen), the original text does not read “THE first commandment” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2) – instead, it reads: “A commandment first” – that is, “A commandment of the first order”, or “A commandment of special significance” – not necessarily THE first and THE most important commandment of all.6

(g) Hence (if I haven’t completely lost you by now), what Paul was saying is this – that the fifth commandment, “to honor our father and mother” (c.f. Deuteronomy 5:16; Ephesians 6:2) is one of extraordinary importance, in part, because of the promise God has attached to it – which is not general in nature (like those attached to the second and third commandments), but is specifically addressed to children11 of all ages.

(3) And what is that promise? Well, it’s actually two-fold – (first) “so that it may be well with you, and (second) that you may live long on the earth” (c.f. Ephesians 6:3).

(a) As I said earlier, Paul is quoting (c.f. Ephesians 6:3) from the Decalogue found in Deuteronomy chapter five (c.f. Deuteronomy 5:16) – rather than the one many people are more familiar with from Exodus chapter twenty (Exodus 20:12). Both passages mention the “days” of children who honor their parents being “prolonged” – but only the passage in Deuteronomy talks about it “go(ing) well with” them.

(b) Now, it’s interesting to note that both Old Testament passages apply these promises (i.e. of having one’s “days prolonged”, and “it going well with us”) to “the land God was specifically going to give the descendants of Abraham” (c.f. Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16) – i.e. the land of Canaan. However, by divine inspiration (c.f. II Peter 1:20-21), Paul lifts those promises out of their Old Testament context and applies them to believers living in every age6 – and then, not just to Jews, but also to Gentile, like ourselves who have professed faith in Christ (c.f. Galatians 3:6-9) – saying: 2“Honor your father and mother … 3that it may be well with you, and that you may live long ON THE EARTH” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2-3) – i.e. not just in a particular land, but anywhere God may place you “on the (face of the) earth”!

(c) As for the promises themselves, John Calvin observed that “they are annexed to the command to excite our hopes, and impart a greater cheerfulness to our obedience by making it more pleasant and agreeable.”3 In other words, these promises of “long life and prosperity” (as the Larger Catechism describes them)12 (these promises) serve as incentives for children to obey the command to “honor their father and mother” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2-3) – with one of the implications being that “it will NOT be well” for those who make a habit of dishonoring their parents, NOR will they live as long on the earth as they might have otherwise.

(d) The promise that “it may be well with you” (c.f. Ephesians 6:3) speaks to the QUALITY of one’s life.13 You will note, however, that the promise is general14 in nature, rather than specific – that God is NOT saying (for example) that children will become rich if they “honor their father and mother” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2), or even that they will prosper in other tangible ways13 – for contrary to popular opinion, the quality of a person’s life is not measured by how many toys they have, or how much money, or how many “things”. As Jesus once said: “not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions” (c.f. Luke 12:15). As a matter of fact, those whom the Lord enables to be content with what little they do have, are far better off than those who have a great deal but are never satisfied with it (c.f. I Timothy 6:8-9; Proverbs 30:8).

Another way to look at the promise that “it may be well with you” (c.f. Ephesians 6:3), is in terms of family relationships13 – for children who (regardless of their age) strive to “honor their parents” are more apt to enjoy being around their father and mother, than those who don’t – and parents are more apt to enjoy being with their children (even their adult children) when they are being treated with respect, rather than having to constantly put up with displays of contempt.

Still another way to look at the promise that “it may be will with you” (c.f. Ephesians 6:3), is in terms of our relationship with God – for the Lord generally rewards obedience, but tends to withdraw His blessings from those who do not walk in His ways (c.f. Deuteronomy 28). Hence, children of all ages – who strive (by Christ’s enabling grace) to “honor their father and mother” (c.f. Ephesians 6:3) – have a reasonable expectation of being blessed by their Heavenly Father, albeit (as the Larger Catechism says) “as far as it shall serve for God’s glory and their own good”12 (c.f. Romans 8:28; I Corinthians 10:31).

(e) The promise that, “you may live long on the earth” (c.f. Ephesians 6:3), refers to the QUANTITY of one’s life13 – to the length, or number of days here on earth. Once again, though, this promise has to be understood as being general in nature – i.e. it is NOT a blanket assurance that every child who “honors their father and mother” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2) will live longer than all those who don’t.14 Rather, it’s a promise that children who “honor their parents” will live out their full allotment of days.

The Book of Job reminds us that every man’s “days are determined (by God) … and (that He has set) limits (on each person’s life) … so that he cannot pass” (c.f. Job 14:5). Those “limits” are not the same for everyone (c.f. Psalm 90:10) – for God has appointed that some will live to “a ripe old age” (c.f. Genesis 25:8) – while others will die much sooner and much younger. Hence, the point of this promise is not that every child who “honors their father and mother” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2) will live to be one hundred years old – rather, it means they can expect to live out the full measure of days God has appointed for them.13

It’s also implied that those children who make a habit of dishonoring their parents are in danger of having the Lord cut off their days – of cutting short their allotted time here on earth – of not being allowed to live out the full measure of their years.

One commentator points out that habitual disobedience to our parents indicates a life lacking in discipline, self-control, and submissive humility – and therefore, a life that eventually leads to various forms of immorality and over-indulgence – which, in turn, often shortens a person’s lifespan. For example, excessive smoking often leads to cancer – alcoholism often leads to cirrhosis of the liver – obesity can lead to a heart attack – homosexuality often leads to AIDS – while other forms of immorality often lead to other diseases that shorten one’s natural life.6

Children who dishonor their parents, by ignoring their instructions and warnings regarding these kinds of things (c.f. Proverbs 4:1-10), are often sowing the seeds of a premature death – which (although not politically correct) can be interpreted as God’s hand cutting their life short, on account of their persistent pursuit of sin, and utter lack of repentance (c.f. Genesis 38:7).

But even if a dishonoring child’s life is not cut short (c.f. Job 21:7-13) – even if they live to be one hundred – as long as they continue to pursue evil, as long as they continue to disregard their parents and treat them with contempt, as long as they continue to ignore God’s commands and “walk according to the course of this world” (c.f. Ephesians 2:2), their days on earth will end in eternal disaster – just like the rich man Jesus talked about in Luke chapter sixteen who “lived in splendor”, but following his death woke up (as it were) to find himself in hell (c.f. Luke 16:19-31).

The point is, that “dishonoring one’s parents” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2) frequently goes hand-in-hand with other sinful practices – whose cumulative effect can spell a premature death, as well as eternal death (UNLESS, by God’s grace, these rebellious children confess their sins, and turn to Jesus Christ in repentance and faith!).

(f) The overall tone of this morning’s text, however, is positive – in that children of all ages, from three to thirty – from seven, to seventeen, to seventy – are encouraged to “honor (our) father and mother … so that it may be well with (us), and that (we) may live long on the earth” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2-3).

(g) Earlier I referenced Second Timothy chapter three, which lists a number of sins that will characterize people’s lives “in the last days” leading up to Jesus’ glorious return – and among that list was “disobedience to parents” (c.f. II Timothy 3:1-5). That passage also says those “days” will be “difficult times” – in part, because so many people will be living selfishly and sinfully, while so few will be striving to obey Christ’s commands (c.f. Matthew 24:1-31). When that day comes – if it hasn’t come already – we Christians will be confronted by numerous “voices” giving us all kinds of reasons why it’s okay not to honor our parents (i.e. because they’re out of touch, they don’t understand us, their rules are stupid, our needs take precedent over theirs, they don’t deserve to be honored because they weren’t very good parents, etc. and so forth).

(h) There is, however, only one voice we need to listen to – one voice we can always trust, no matter how young or old we are – and that’s the voice of God, coming to us through His inspired written word. And here in the first three verses of Ephesians chapter six, He has summed up how children are to live, saying: “… OBEY your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (And) HONOR your father and mother … (because that is right as well)” (c.f. Ephesians 6:1-2).

But, He hasn’t just given us a command – He’s also given us a promise, saying that if we will strive (by His enabling grace) to “honor our father and mother”, that “it (will) be well with (us), and that (we will) live long on the earth” (c.f. Ephesians 6:2-3).

(i) The Book of Ezra reminds us that, “whatever the God of heaven has commanded should be done with zeal” (c.f. Ezra 7:23). When it comes to obeying our parents and honoring them, may the Lord help us to be zealous to do what He has commanded!



BIBLIOGRAPHY


1Hendricksen: New Testament Commentary; Ephesians;

p. 258.

2MacArthur: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary;

Ephesians; p. 314.

3Calvin’s Commentaries: Vol. XXI; Commentaries on the

Epistles of Paul to the Galatians and Ephesians; p. 327.

4The New Geneva Study Bible: Footnote on Ephesians

6:1-3; p. 1870.

5BCS: Strong’s Concordance.

6Hendricksen: Ibid; p. 260.

7IBID; p. 259.

8IBID; pgs. 259-260.

9BCS: Strong’s Concordance; Word #4413.

10The New Geneva Study Bible: Footnote on Ephesians 6:2;

p. 1870.

11Calvin’s Commentaries: Ibid; p. 328.

12The Westminster Larger Catechism: Question #133.

13MacArthur: Ibid; p. 315.

14Boice: Ephesians; An Expository Commentary; p. 214.