HELP FOR THE HOME
(“God’s Blueprint For Marriage”)1
Genesis 2:18-25 (NASU)
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
This morning (after a two week absence) we are returning to our series entitled “Help For The Home”. We are also going back to the second chapter of the Book of Genesis (where we’ve already been on two previous occasions), for a message called “God’s Blueprint For Marriage”1 – the basic outline for which comes from a book by pastor and counselor Dr. Wayne Mack entitled, Strengthening Your Marriage (which I occasionally use in premarital counseling). But first, our Scripture lesson – which comes from Genesis chapter two, verses eighteen through twenty-five …..
GOD’S MARITAL PLAN FOR HUMANITY
(1) The word “blueprint” refers to a set of architectural prints or other technical drawings rendered as white lines on a blue background. These prints or drawings are used (for example) to guide contractors in building a house – or to explain how a piece of machinery is supposed to work.2 Not surprisingly, then, the term “blueprint” is often used figuratively to describe “any detailed plan of action”2 – any explanation of how something is intended to function – or any set of instructions designed to guide us in the making of something else.2 Hence, synonyms for the term “blueprint” include words like “plan”, “design”, “pattern”, and “programme”.2
(2) We noted in an earlier message3 that (even though there are some exceptions) Scripture tends to give us general counsel rather than exhaustive detailed instructions for every aspect of our life. Hence, this morning’s text (c.f. Genesis 2:24), for example, addresses three general areas that will often make or break any marriage – namely, the concepts of leaving, “cleaving” (as the old KJV and an earlier edition of the NAS translations put it), and “becom(ing) one flesh” (c.f. Genesis 2:24).1
(3) As far as I know, there’s only one statement about marriage God the Holy Spirit included four times in the Scriptures1 (c.f. II Peter 1:21) – and that’s the one found in this morning’s text, where we’re told: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (c.f. Genesis 2:24). This statement is found once in the Old Testament (c.f. Genesis 2:24) – and three times in the New (c.f. Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7; Ephesians 5:31).1
We should also note that it was made once BEFORE the Fall of mankind, and three times AFTERWARDS – which tells us this blueprint was God’s marital plan for humanity, both in Eden and after – both in our sinless condition, and our fallen state.1
Though undoubtedly given prior to the Fall, as far as Scripture is concerned, God’s blueprint for marriage found in this morning’s text (c.f. Genesis 2:24) was first written down by Moses – later quoted by Jesus, at least twice (c.f. Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7) – and finally quoted by the Apostle Paul at the end of his great discourse on marriage found in Ephesians chapter five (c.f. Ephesians 5:31) (which we will eventually get to, Lord willing).
(4) We see, then, that marriage was God’s idea, not man’s. Hence, the marriage relationship between one man and one woman (c.f. Genesis 2:25) – and that for life (c.f. Matthew 19:6; Malachi 2:16) – is not an institution humanity finally came up with after thousands of years of promiscuity and polygamy. On the contrary, it’s the way God designed men and women to live, from the sixth day of creation onward (c.f. Genesis 1:26-28; 2:18-25; Matthew 19:4-5) – indeed, it was part of that which God declared to be “very good” at the end of Genesis chapter one (c.f. Genesis 1:31).
(5) To the degree, then, that so many marriages are “NOT very good” – to the degree there are so many unhappy, unfulfilled and unsatisfying marriages (not only among non-Christians, but also among Christians) – to the degree so many marriages end in divorce, while others are often held together by the slimmest of threads – in many of these instances, it’s because people have simply not paid attention to God’s blueprint for marriage.1 OR, it’s because they have not sought Christ’s help in implementing this blueprint – choosing instead to try and do these things in their own strength, instead of learning to depend upon their Savior’s enabling grace (c.f. Galatians 3:3; Philippians 4:13; Hebrews 4:16; I Peter 1:11)
(6) While Scripture seldom gives us micro-instructions for how to live, it does often give us succinct directives that are easy to remember – IF we just put forth a little effort to learn them or memorize them. A prime example would be the way Jesus summarized “the WHOLE law and the prophets” in just two commands, saying – “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind” – and, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (c.f. Matthew 22:37-40). Another example is the prayer outline our Lord gave us, which we call “the Lord’s Prayer” (c.f. Matthew 6:9-13). Then there’s Paul’s inspired summation of our roles as husbands and wives, where he said: “each individual among you … is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (c.f. Ephesians 5:31). Or, Scripture’s concise instructions to children regarding their parents, saying simply: “Honor your father and your mother …” (c.f. Exodus 20:12).
Here in this morning’s text, we have another one of those short, easy-to-remember set of instructions – this time regarding the institution of marriage. Instructions that can be summed up by five simple words: “leaving, cleaving, and becoming one” (c.f. Genesis 2:24). This morning we will look at “leaving and cleaving” – and then next time, Lord willing, we will look at “becoming one”.
(B) LEAVING AND CLEAVING
(1) First of all, then, God’s blueprint for marriage directs husbands to “leave” their parents.1 Note the first part of verse twenty-four says: “For this reason a man shall LEAVE his father and his mother …” (c.f. Genesis 2:24). (a) Moreover, the word “reason” refers back to everything that was said in verses eighteen through twenty-three (c.f. Genesis 2:18-23) – i.e. about how it was “not good for the man to be alone” (v. 18) – and how God made “a helper suitable for him” (v. 18), whom Adam named “woman” (v. 23) – because, unlike any of the other living creatures on the face of the earth (vs. 19-20), she was “bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh” (v. 23).
(b) When we inquire into what “leaving one’s father and mother” means, one thing it does NOT mean is that we abandon our parents or utterly forsake them.1 Jesus made that clear by the way He provided for His mother as He was dying on the cross (c.f. John 19:26-27) – and by His denunciation of the practice known as “Corban” (which we looked at in a previous message),4 because He said it violated the fifth commandment to honor one’s parents (c.f. Mark 7:10-13; Exodus 20:12). In doing (and saying) these things, our Lord made it clear that adult children have a responsibility to provide for and take care of their parents, IF AND WHEN our parents become unable to provide for or take of themselves.
(c) Another thing “leaving one’s father and mother” (c.f. Genesis 2:24) does NOT mean, is that husbands must move away from their parents geographically.1 As Wayne Mack points out, living too close to one’s parents at the beginning of a marriage can make it more difficult to “leave” them (c.f. Genesis 2:24) – but it’s also possible to “leave” one’s father and mother (in the sense of which Scripture speaks) and still live right next door. Conversely, it’s possible to move a thousand miles away from our parents, and still not have “left” them in the biblical sense. In fact, he adds that we may not have left our parents even though they’ve been dead for many years.1
(d) To “leave” (c.f. Genesis 2:24) one’s father and mother means our relationship with them changes in some very significant ways.5 In particular, it means a man’s priorities change – so that his obligations to his wife now take precedent over those to his parents.6 This means, for example, that (ordinarily) a man should be more concerned about pleasing his wife than pleasing his mom or dad – it means that he should now (ordinarily) turn to his wife for affection and approval, assistance and counsel, rather than his parents – it means that (ordinarily) his wife’s ideas and opinions should now be more important to him than those of his father or mother – it means he must break away from any slavish dependence he’s had on his parents in the past, and start leaning on his wife – it means not trying to change his wife, just because mom and dad don’t like her the way she is5 – it means that he (ordinarily) stands by his wife and supports her, even if he must oppose his parent in the process (albeit always in a respectful and honoring way). In short it means that we husbands are to give first priority to our relationship with our wife – and that, over and above every other human relationship.5
(e) I should add here that, even though our text is addressed to men, I’m confident it applies equally to women – so that we can say, it’s also true that “a wife needs to leave her father and mother” (c.f. Genesis 2:24). Hence, everything we’ve just said about husbands is equally true of wives – for nothing is harder on a marriage than a wife who constantly undermines her husband’s headship by always running home to “daddy” for counsel or help – or who makes a habit of comparing her husband’s failures to her father’s successes – or who frequently sides with her mother against her husband – and so on, and so forth.
(f) One goal every set of parents should have is to prepare their children to “leave” them (c.f. Genesis 2:24) – not just physically, as in moving into a place of their own – but also emotionally and even spiritually, as well as financially and dependently. It should be the goal of every parent to see their sons become heads of their own homes – and to see their daughters being submissive to their own husbands (c.f. Ephesians 5:22-23). Few parents want to be cut off from their adult children completely – and most parents are pleased when their grown children come to them for advice or help (from time to time) – but no parent should ever cripple their children’s marriage by keeping them tied to the proverbial apron strings, or trying to run their lives for them.5
(g) One of my newest catchphrases is: “There’s only one way to get experience.” Applied to the subject at hand, it means we parents need to let our married children make their own mistakes – we need to let our married son learn how to become the head of his home – and let our married daughter learn how to respect her husband. We need to let our married son learn how to make decisions for himself and his wife – and let our married daughter learn how to support her husband’s decisions. We need to let our married son look to his wife (not us) as his primary responsibility, as well as his primary helper – and we need to let our married daughter learn how to depend on her husband (rather than us), and to become the helper God intends for her to be. After all, when God said (in verse eighteen of this morning’s Scripture lesson): “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a HELPER suitable for him” (c.f. Genesis 2:18) – He was talking about a man’s wife, not his mom and dad.
(h) We parents do have an important role to play in our children’s lives, to be sure – but that role changes as our children get older – and it most certainly changes when our sons and daughters get married. The problem is, that it’s not always easy for us parents to figure out what our role is after our kids get married – should we tell them what we think, or keep our mouth shut (Yes) – should we help them out financially, or let them go through some tough times (Yes) – should we call them, or let them call us (Yes) – should we nudge them in a certain direction every now and then, or just keep our nose out of their business? (Yes.) The point is, that it’s not always easy to know what to do as the parents of adult, married children (or when to do it). But one thing we must do while they are still at home, is prepare them (and ourselves) for that day when it’s time for them to “leave” and establish a home of their own via the institution of marriage (c.f. Genesis 2:24).
(2) Second, God’s blueprint for marriage directs husbands “to CLEAVE (to their wives)”,5 which is how the old King James puts it – while the NASU talks about being “JOINED TO (one’s) wife” (c.f. Genesis 2:24). The NIV uses the phrase, “UNITED TO (one’s) wife” (c.f. Genesis 2:24). (By the way, wives should also “cleave” to their husbands.)
(a) The Hebrew word translated “cleave” (c.f. Genesis 2:24, KJV) (“dabaq”) – or “joined to” (NASU) – means, “to cling to” or “keep close”.7 The Greek equivalent (used by both Jesus and Paul) (c.f. Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31) (“kollao”) literally means “to glue”8 – hence, we could say that a man is to leave his father and mother and “cling to his wife, or “stick to her like glue”.
(b) Today, however, it’s not uncommon for couples to approach marriage with something other than a “stick-like-glue” attitude – for many seem to have the idea that if things get really tough, or the relationship just doesn’t seem to be working out the way they planned, they can always get a divorce.5 We’re going to talk about divorce in a future message, Lord willing – but for the moment we will simply note that this is NOT how God says couples should approach marriage (c.f. Matthew 19:3-9). On the contrary, He says men and women should come into marriage with a commitment to “cleave” to one another – to “stick to each other like glue” – in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, better or worse – for as long as they both shall live.
(c) Scripture tells us that God takes the swearing of vows quite seriously – so much so, that we’re told in one place: “if a man makes a vow to the Lord, or takes an oath to bind himself with a binding obligation, he shall NOT violate his word; he shall DO according to all that proceeds out of his mouth” (c.f. Numbers 31:2) – and again, that if “you make a vow to the Lord your God (or in His presence – and since He is omnipresent, every vow or oath we swear is made in His presence) (if you make a vow), you shall NOT delay to pay it (or fulfill it, as the case may be), for it would be sin in you, and the Lord your God will surely require it of you” (c.f. Deuteronomy 23:21). As a matter of fact, Scripture says its better not to make a vow or swear any oath at all – than to do so, and then break it or not keep it (c.f. Ecclesiastes 5:5).
(d) The point is this – when people get married, they recite vows and make solemn promises to each other, both before God and men. We vow (for example) to be faithful to one another until death – yet some do so with an attitude that says, “Sure, I’ll be faithful – until the death of the relationship!” “Sure, I’ll be faithful – unless (or until) our problems become too great – then I’m out of here!”5 “Yes, I’ll be faithful – until (or unless) someone better comes along – then I’m divorcing you and marrying them!”
This is clearly NOT the “cleaving”-to-one-another-attitude (or, stick-like-glue-commitment) God says a man and woman should have as they enter into the marriage relationship.
(e) Some have gone so far as to suggest that couples should have the option of renewing their marriage vows every few years – much like we renew our driver’s license.5 So that, if the marriage isn’t working out – or if both partners don’t find it equally satisfying – they can simply let their marriage “lapse”, as it were. Still others have suggested that we do away with the hassle of having to get a marriage license, or go through a state approved (or church approved) marriage ceremony, where vows are exchanged – and just let people live together as they see fit, for as long as they both deem it to be mutually beneficial or enjoyable.9
(f) But God says, “That’s not the blueprint I laid out for marriage. I created the marriage relationship to be permanent. It’s My intention that a husband and wife ‘cleave’ to one another” (c.f. Mark 10:7-9).9 We see, then, that marriage – as God designed it, and as He intended it – is not simply a matter of convenience, but commitment. Nor is it simply a matter of whether or not to enter into some kind of formal contract approved by the church and the state – rather, it’s a matter of obeying God’s command to “cleave” to one another (c.f. Genesis 2:24, KJV).
(g) According to Scripture (in places like Malachi chapter two, and the second chapter of Proverbs), marriage is a covenant relationship (c.f. Malachi 2:14; Proverbs 2:17) (which is another aspect of marriage we will examine at some future date, Lord willing) – it’s a covenant relationship in which two people (specifically, one man and one woman) promise to be faithful to each other (and stick to each other like glue) regardless of what happens during the years ahead.9
For example, a wife promises to “cleave” (c.f. Genesis 2:24, KJV) to her husband, even if he becomes afflicted with bulges, baldness and bifocals – even if he loses his health or his wealth, his boyish charm or good looks – even if someone more attentive, more considerate, more interesting, or more exciting comes along.9
Likewise, a husband promises to “stick to his wife like glue” (c.f. Genesis 2:24), even if she loses her physical beauty and appeal – even if she’s not as submissive as she should be – even if she spends their money right and left, or turns out to be a terrible cook.9
(h) Obviously, issues like these can make being married difficult, and even unpleasant – hence, couples ought to deal with these issues so they can be resolved as quickly as possible. But, as Dr. Mack rightly says: “The issue of cleaving means that a husband and wife accept full responsibility for their marriage, having freely committed themselves to each other regardless of whatever problems arise.”9 Or, as the Apostle Peter said (in a passage we will eventually look at, Lord willing): “wives, be submissive to your own husbands (not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor [with] God”) – and again: “husbands … live with your wives in an understanding way (not only [with] those who are good and gentle, but also [with] those who are unreasonable. For this [also] finds favor [with] God”) (c.f. I Peter 2:18-19; 3:1, 7).
Clearly, then, couples ought to be as careful and discerning as possible, BEFORE they enter into the covenant of marriage – because as far as God’s word is concerned, only adultery, desertion, or death can bring a marriage to a biblical end (c.f. Matthew 19:9; I Corinthians 7:15, 39).
(i) In some ways, getting married is like becoming a Christian. When a man or woman becomes a Christian, they leave their former way of life behind (c.f. I Peter 4:1-4) – all their self-righteousness and self-justification (c.f. Luke 10:29) – all their futile attempts to save themselves (c.f. Ephesians 2:8-9) – and turn instead to Jesus Christ (c.f. Acts 4:12), who died on the cross to save sinners like themselves (c.f. Matthew 1:21). This act of turning to Christ (in repentance and faith), also involves committing ourselves to Christ. In fact, the very essence of saving faith involves a commitment to Christ, in which we promise to trust Him completely, and serve Him faithfully for the rest of our lives – and that, regardless of how we may feel at some point in the future, or what problems may arise.9
(j) Even so, God’s blueprint for marriage involves the total and irrevocable commitment of one man and one woman to each other. It involves “cleaving” (c.f. Genesis 2:24, KJV) to one another during times of sickness and health – during times of poverty or wealth. In involves “clinging to” one another – through pleasure and pain – joy or sorrow. It involves “sticking to each other like glue” through good times and bad – regardless of whether we agree or disagree about certain issues. “Cleaving” in marriage means that couples are committed to facing life’s problems together – discussing them openly with each other – seeking God’s help – and figuring out how to solve them (or endure them), rather than running from them (or running from each other). “Cleaving” in marriage means that both husband and wife are committed to each other – no matter what happens along the way – for as long as they both shall live.10
(k) I dare say that many marriages presently headed for divorce could be salvaged – and numerous other unhappy, dissatisfying marriages made more mutually beneficial (and even more enjoyable) – if more couples (especially Christian couples) took this morning’s text seriously, and learned how to “leave and cleave”.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
1Mack: Strengthening Your Marriage; p. 1.
2http://www.thefreedictionary.com/blueprint
3See Sermon dated 08-10-08 am; pages 6 and 9.
4See Sermon dated 07-27-08 am; pages 16-17.
5Mack: Ibid; p. 2.
6The New Geneva Study Bible: Footnote on Genesis 2:24;
p. 12.
7BCS: Strong’s Concordance; Word #1692.
8IBID; Word #2853.
9Mack: Ibid; p. 3.
10IBID; p. 4.