HELP FOR THE HOME
(“A Christian Home Is …”)
This morning’s message will be, what I call, a “seminar sermon” – and the reason I call it that, is because I will be addressing some general issues regarding the home and family, rather than trying to expound upon a specific biblical text. I will, of course, be referring to, and quoting from the Scriptures as we go along – just not any one passage in particular.
Having said that, however, I have chosen a text – which comes from Proverbs chapter three, verse thirty-three – that says (in the NIV translation): “The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the righteous” (c.f. Proverbs 3:33, NIV).
You should also know that the last part of this morning’s message draws heavily upon material found in a book written by Jay Adams, entitled, “Christian Living In The Home.”
“The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the righteous.” (Proverbs 3:33, NIV)
(A) WHO WILL BENEFIT THE MOST?
(1) I’ve said it before1 – but I’m going to say it again – while it may be possible for non-Christians to draw some LIMITED benefits from this series of messages on the home, those who are already Christians are more likely to benefit the most. And I say that for two reasons.
(2) First, only those who have repented of their sins and professed saving faith in Jesus Christ have been given eyes to see, and ears to hear the spiritual truths found in Scripture – which has been, and still is, my basic resource material for these messages. To put it another way, anyone (even a non-Christian) can learn and remember the FACTS found in Scripture – like, how the world was created – who Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were – and what Jesus taught in His Sermon on the Mount. BUT, only those who have been converted to Christ can accurately grasp some of the underlying SPIRITUAL TRUTHS associated with the historical facts found in Scripture.
For example, anyone can read about how Jesus raised Lazarus from the grave, after he had been dead four days (c.f. John 11:1-44) – but only those whose eyes have been opened to “see” will understand what this physical resurrection teaches us about the spiritual resurrection that takes place when a person is converted to Christ. Likewise, anyone can learn what the Bible says about a man named Jesus dying on a cross some two thousand years ago – but only those who have been redeemed are able to grasp the spiritual truth, that says this Jesus was “the Lamb of God” (c.f. John 1:36), dying to “save His people from their sins” (c.f. Matthew 1:21).
The reason for this, is because Scripture tells us “the unsaved man CANNOT UNDERSTAND the things of God, because they can only be spiritually discerned” (c.f. I Corinthians 2:14, NKJV) – and until (or unless) the Holy Spirit regenerates him (c.f. John 3:3-8), he lacks the necessary ability to fully comprehend spiritual truths. Hence, Jesus told HIS DISCIPLES: “blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears, because they hear” (c.f. Matthew 13:16) – thereby indicating that not everyone’s eyes and ears of understanding are so blessed (c.f. Ezekiel 12:1-2).
(3) The other (related) reason why Christ’s redeemed people will benefit most from this series of messages on the home, is because only we Christians have the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit (c.f. John 14:16-17) – part of whose work is to help us understand (and put into practice) the spiritual truths found in God’s word. Hence, Jesus promised HIS DISCIPLES at one point that “the Spirit of truth would guide them into the truth” (c.f. John 16:13) – while Paul exhorted all Christians to “walk according to the Spirit, and not according to the flesh” (c.f. Romans 8:4).
(4) Maybe the simplest way to sum all of this up is to say that – in order to have a Christian home, at least some of the members of that home must be Christians – in order to have a Christian marriage, at least one spouse must be a Christian – in order to have a Christian family, at least some of the members of that family have to be Christians.
Whether ALL the members of a home must have professed faith in Christ, in order for that home to be called “Christian”, is (I think) open for discussion (c.f. I Corinthians 7:12-16). But it should be clear that any home where NONE of the members have professed faith in Christ cannot be called a Christian home – nor will the members of such a family benefit from messages like these (at least not in any substantial way) until they have repented of their sins and professed saving faith in Jesus Christ.
(5) I think that’s essentially how this morning’s text from Proverbs chapter three needs to be understood – especially the part that says, “the (Lord) … blesses the home of the righteous” (c.f. Proverbs 3:33, NIV). For in Scripture “the righteous” are NOT those (for example) who are doing their best to live by the Golden Rule (c.f. Matthew 7:12), or the Ten Commandments (c.f. Exodus 20:1-17). In Scripture, “the righteous” are NOT those who are trying to make themselves acceptable to God by their own efforts – i.e. by living their life according to some standard of conduct – whether it’s based on something found in the Bible, or man-made, or even self-made. Rather, when Scripture talks about “the righteous” it’s talking about those who have thrown themselves upon God’s mercy, by repenting of their sins and professing faith in the Person and Work of Jesus Christ. Those who do, can say with the Apostle Paul that we do “NOT hav(e) a righteousness of (our) own derived from (trying to keep a set of laws – not even God’s) … Law(s) … (rather, our righteousness is) that which (comes) through faith in Christ, (even) THE RIGHTEOUSNESS WHICH COMES FROM GOD ON THE BASIS OF FAITH” (c.f. Philippians 3:9). Hence, Scripture says elsewhere: “For just as through the disobedience of … one man (i.e. Adam) the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of … one man (i.e. Jesus) the many will be MADE RIGHTEOUS” (c.f. Romans 5:19, NIV) (note that we don’t earn this righteousness, rather it’s given to us – nor do we make ourselves righteous, rather we are “made righteous” by the work of Christ). As Scripture says in another place: “(God) made (Christ) who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD IN HIM (i.e. in or through Jesus Christ)” (c.f. II Corinthians 5:21). (What’s really being described here is a kind of spiritual transfer, in which Christ takes our sins upon Himself and pays for them on the cross, and gives us His righteousness in return – so that, our righteousness is not our own, but Christ’s!)
So, when our text says that “the Lord blesses the home of the righteous” (c.f. Proverbs 3:33, NIV), it’s NOT saying certain people earn God’s blessing by virtue of having made themselves righteous. Rather, it means those whom God has chosen to make righteous through faith in Christ ordinarily find that He is also blessing their home in numerous ways as well.
(6) There is, however, another side to this coin – for even we Christians can’t go around living any old way we want, and still expect God to bless our homes, and our families, and our marriages.
If, for example, a Christian husband practices a selfish kind of headship, or refuses to sacrifice himself for his wife – if a Christian wife practices a manipulative kind of submission, or refuses to show her husband proper respect (c.f. Ephesians 5:22-33) – if children refuse to honor their parents, or obey them (c.f. Ephesians 6:1-3) – or parents fail to give their children the discipline they require (c.f. Proverbs 22:6) – then, that family is foolish to think God is going to pour out the kind of blessings on their home (c.f. Proverbs 3:33, NIV) described in passages we’ve looked at earlier,4 like Psalm One Hundred Twenty-Eight (c.f. Psalm 128:1-4), or Proverbs chapter Twenty-Four (c.f. Proverbs 24:3-4).
Likewise, if a Christian couple does not follow God’s blueprint for marriage,2 found in Genesis chapter two (which we looked at earlier this month)3 (c.f. Genesis 2:24) – a blueprint that can be summed up by the words: “leaving, cleaving, and becoming one” – if a couple isn’t willing to follow that blueprint, then they have no right to expect God to bless their marriage or their home.
(7) I’m not denying God gives general blessings to all people, Christian and non-Christian alike (c.f. Matthew 5:44-45) – and that some of these general blessings even fall on the homes, marriages, and families of unbelievers – as well as disobedient Christians. BUT, I am saying God’s best and richest blessings are reserved for those who repent of their sins and profess faith in Christ – AND THEN take the next step, by learning to practice Christ-like righteousness. Hence, Scripture says: “How blessed are those who … practice righteousness at all times” (c.f. Psalm 106:3) – and again: “How blessed is the man who fears the Lord, (and) … delights in His commandments” (c.f. Psalm 112:1).
Elsewhere, Scripture tells us that: “… everyone … who practices righteousness is born of (Christ)” (c.f. I John 2:29) (which implies that those who don’t practice righteousness are not born of Christ – c.f. I John 3:10) – note, too, that “practice” is not the same thing as “perfection” (in fact, “practice” implies “imperfection”). Nevertheless, we Christians are commanded to: “… pursue righteousness …” (c.f. II Timothy 2:22) – and to “… present (the) members (of our bodies) as slaves to righteousness …” (c.f. Romans 6:19).
(8) So, the bottom line is this – ordinarily Christians will benefit from this series of messages on the home far more than non-Christians – AND, believers who are striving (by Christ’s enabling grace) to be obedient to God’s word, and practice righteousness (c.f. James 1:22), will benefit far more than believers who aren’t.
(B) WHAT DOES A CHRISTIAN HOME LOOK LIKE?
(1) I suspect most Christians want to have a “Christian” home – that most Christian couples want to have a “Christian” marriage, and raise a “Christian” family. If we call ourselves a “Christian”, but are not interested in these things – then something is terribly wrong. If we claim to be a disciple of Christ, yet have little or no desire to build our home, or our marriage, or our family on biblical principles – then something isn’t right in our spiritual life. If I have professed faith in Christ, but have not followed up that profession with a grace-dependent effort (c.f. Galatians 3:3) to apply the commands found in Scripture to my own home, and my own marriage, and my own family – then the first thing I need to do is re-examine my profession of faith in Christ, especially in light of passages like John 14:15 and Colossians 1:10.
(2) But (for our purposes this morning), let’s assume I am a Christian – and by God’s grace, I sincerely want to have a “Christian” home – what will that home look like? Let’s assume I’m quite sure of my salvation (because I believe what God’s word has to say about the matter) (c.f. John 6:37; II Timothy 1:12; I John 2:3), and want to have a “Christian” marriage and a “Christian” family – what’s that marriage going to look like? – what’s that family going to look like?
(a) First of all, the notion that a “Christian” home is some sort of idyllic place, where uninterrupted peace and contentment, non-stop happiness and harmony are present, (that notion) is utterly foolish5 – especially given the fact that the people living in every Christian home are imperfect creatures (to say the least) (c.f. Ecclesiastes 7:20), who are also still living in a fallen world. You’ve heard the adage that “two wrongs don’t make a right”? – well, you can’t throw two sinners together (not even two redeemed sinners), and expect to have a perfect, care-free marriage – nor can you add one or more little sinners, who have not yet been redeemed (c.f. Psalm 51:5), and expect to have a sinless home, or a picture perfect family.
(b) While most Christians probably realize their home will never be perfect, many still seem to think it ought to come pretty close – hence, more than a few get upset or even confused when the flaws in their family become exposed (either publicly or privately). But this expectation of near-perfection is not only unreasonable, it’s also unbiblical.5
Show me one example, in Scripture, of a near-perfect home (after Genesis chapter three). Adam’s home certainly doesn’t qualify (after the Fall) – for his son Cain murdered his brother Abel (c.f. Genesis 4:1-8). Abraham’s family doesn’t qualify either – for there were bad-feelings between Sarah and Hagar (c.f. Genesis 16:1-6) – and deep tensions between Ishmael and Isaac (c.f. Genesis 21:9-11). David’s home was also a mess in many ways – with one of his sons raping one of his daughters (c.f. II Samuel 13:1-19) – and another son trying to steal his father’s throne (c.f. II Samuel 15:1-12).
So, to paraphrase a verse from the Book of Hebrews, “time would fail me if I were to try and tell of” (c.f. Hebrews 11:32) other examples in Scripture – like the homes of Jacob and Joseph, or Eli and Jesse, or Job and the prophet Hosea. And even when Scripture doesn’t air a family’s dirty laundry (so to speak) – like in the case of Joseph and Mary, or Zacharias and Elizabeth, or even the Apostle Peter – does anyone really think this is because these marriages, and these homes, and these families were nearly perfect?!
(c) Obviously some “Christian” homes are better than others – and some “Christian” families have more problems than others. But no home is perfect – not even when every member of the family is a true Christian. So, let it be said – loud and clear – that “Christian” homes are neither perfect, nor idyllic – nor are they always happy and harmonious. Christian parents do fail – and sometimes we fail miserably. We fail our spouse – sometimes we fail our children – and we most certainly fail our Savior.5
Moreover, our Christian children (and even our Christian grandchildren) often fail – in that sometimes they disobey us – or throw tantrums5 – or flunk classes at school. Sometimes they don’t tell the truth – they’ve been known to get speeding tickets – and some of them even get pregnant before they get married.
I know this may be hard for some of you to believe, but sometimes Christian husbands and wives actually argue – sometimes they get really irritated with each other,5 and say things they shouldn’t – sometimes they spend money foolishly – and some of them even commit adultery, and get divorces.
Of course there are also many accomplishments and successes – times of great joy and genuine contentment – acts of sacrificial love, and a host of other good things that often happen within the context of a “Christian” home – even “blessings the Lord gives to the righteous”, as our text says (c.f. Proverbs 3:33, NIV). But this morning my point is, that even the best home is far from perfect5 – even the most “Christian” home you know falls short of God’s standards (whether we ever see it or not). What’s more, in a fallen world this is a much more realistic picture of what a truly “Christian” home looks like – rather than the so-called “perfect”, or near-perfect picture many people try to paint (and many others vainly strive to achieve – which often leads to anger and frustration).
(3) At this point, then, you may be wondering how the kind of home I’ve just described differs from that of your non-Christian neighbor5 – and the answer is, that sometimes it’s not much different (at least not on the surface). You may also be wondering, “Why have I described a ‘Christian’ home in such unflattering terms?” – and the answer is, because this is what Scripture tells us to expect from people who are saved, yet still imperfect.5 (Obviously, there ought to be some progress in terms of obedience to Christ’s commands – but it’s wrong to expect near-perfection can or will ever be achieved in this life.)
(a) Sometime back,6 I asked those gathered for evening worship to think about how they would answer the question: “What’s the Bible all about?” – with the correct answer being that, the Bible is about redemption.7 The basic theme of Scripture – from Genesis to Revelation – is about how Christ saves elect men and women from the guilt and penalty of their sins.
(b) Of course, there are various aspects of salvation – including justification, sanctification, and glorification. To put it very simply, JUSTIFICATION is a one-time act of God that happens instantaneously at the moment of our conversion5 – while SANCTIFICATION is an on-going process whereby believers are made more and more like Christ, without ever reaching the final goal in this life.8 GLORIFICATION, however, takes place after death – at which time Christians are made completely perfect. But until then, the reality is that we can and do continue to sin8 – even though we should be learning how to lay aside more and more of the old self, and put on more and more of that new self that’s been “created in righteousness and holiness” (c.f. Ephesians 4:22-24).
(4) How, then, does this description of a “Christian” home – occupied by saved but sinful people, who often (although not always) do sinful things to each other – how does this description differ from that of a non-Christian family living next door?8 Jay Adams says: “A Christian home is a place where sinners live – but it’s also a place where people admit that fact, understand the problem, and know what to do about it. And as a result, they grow by grace.”8
(a) In a Christian home, family members learn they are sinful people – and, they learn how to regularly confess their sins, both to God and each other (c.f. I John 1:8-10). Members of Christian homes are taught not to rationalize, or excuse, or shift the blame for their sins – although as sinners we often do just that. The point is, we don’t have to try and cover up our sins (like Adam and Eve did – c.f. Genesis 3:7), because every Christians know every other Christian sins. (It’s no secret.) And knowing that (and admitting that) gives family members the freedom to be open, and honest, and even at ease with each other.8
I’m certainly not suggesting we take a cavalier attitude toward our sin – but I am saying Christian family members don’t need to waste time, in what usually amounts to a futile effort to try and cover our tracks (as it were). Within the walls of a Christian home, we should be free to admit what everyone already knows – that we often fail to do the will of God perfectly – that we frequently “fall short of the glory of God” (c.f. Romans 3:23)8 (i.e. that we sin!).
With this freedom comes the incentive to repent – and with repentance comes forgiveness, and help from our Heavenly Father, as well as from each another. As a result, each member in a Christian home has a better opportunity to progress out of their own sinful patterns of behavior8 – in part, because they can now pour their time and energy into learning how to replace sinful patterns with biblical patterns – instead of always pretending to be something they aren’t (i.e. perfect, or near-perfect).
To put it another way – instead of wasting time and energy trying to downplay or deny our sin, each member of a Christian family ought to focus on dealing with their sins in a biblical manner.9
On a practical level, this means parents (for example) can take a lot of unnecessary grief out of the child raising process, by accepting the fact that their son and daughter are little sinners, who are actually going to do sinful things at home, and at school, and at the mall – rather, than being shocked whenever their child does something wrong – and then subjecting them to discipline that may be inappropriate or excessive, because we are embarrassed and angry. Once parents admit the Biblical doctrine of original sin is true, not just as a theological concept, but as a practical reality right in their own home – once parents admit sin is alive and well in the heart of their two-year-old, and their teenager (and their own heart, as well) – everyone can quit pretending, and start focusing on how to deal with their sin problems in a biblical manner.9
Again, this doesn’t mean parents excuse or ignore sinful behavior in their children (or themselves) – or that we treat sin as something about which nothing can be done, because it’s inevitable. Rather, it means we acknowledge sin for what it is – that it does exist, right in our own home (and in our own heart) – and then proceed (by Christ’s enabling grace) to deal with it in a biblical manner.9 (These are the kind of things people living in the non-Christian home next door will never do).
(b) And that leads us to an important second difference between a Christian home and a non-Christian home – namely that, Christians know what to do about their sins9 (c.f. Psalm 32:5; James 5:16) (and if they don’t, they at least know where to turn).
Because the Bible is our standard of faith and practice (assuming we read it, and study it, and try to obey it), Christians not only know WHY sin-problems occur in their home, we know WHAT to do about those problems. To put it another way, a truly Christian home differs from the non-Christian home next door in that we rely on Biblical commands and examples to address every occurrence of sin in our life (rather than turning to an Oprah, or Dr. Phil). Nor should this difference be underestimated – for Scripture not only contains directions for what to do when one or more members of our family fall into sin – it also shows us how to minimize the possibility of repeating those sins in the future.9
(c) And that leads us to the last point, which is that Christians are in the process of learning how to progress out of their sins. Wherever there is true spiritual life (in the biblical sense of that term), there will also be spiritual growth. This means no Christian can remain the same – just like no tree or plant in your back yard can stay the same, as long as it’s alive.9 One fundamental assumption of the Christian faith is that there will be growth out of sin into righteousness – hence, Scripture says we are to “die to sin and live to righteousness” (c.f. I Peter 2:24) – and again, that we are to “flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness” (c.f. II Timothy 2:22).
Hence, wherever you find people taking advantage of the means of grace – like Bible study, prayer, witnessing, and fellowship with other believers – there you will invariably find the Spirit of God at work producing His fruit, which is the “fruit of righteousness” (c.f. Philippians 1:10; Hebrews 12:11). Moreover, Scripture is filled with commands and examples we can use in a preventive way, to help ourselves and the other members of our family avoid some of the problems non-Christian families often face, simply because they do not follow God’s standard of conduct.10
(d) To sum up, then – a Christian home is NOT a perfect, or even a near-perfect place. On the contrary, it’s a place where saved, but sinful people live. However, it’s also a place where people are learning how to face the sin problems that come from their own heart, and from living in a fallen world – by always relying on God and His resources, which are all centered in Christ, in whom Scripture says “are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (c.f. Colossians 2:3). Sinners live in Christian homes – but the sinless Savior lives there, too. And that one fact makes all the difference!10
BIBLIOGRAPHY
1See Sermon dated 08-10-08 (a.m.); page 14.
2Mack: Strengthening Your Marriage; p. 1
3See Sermons dated 09-07-08 (a.m.) and 09-14-08 (a.m.)
4See Sermons dated 06-22-08 (a.m.) and 07-13-08 (a.m.)
5Adams: Christian Living in the Home; p. 10.
6See Sermon dated 08-17-08 (p.m.)
7 Robertson: The Books of Nahum, Habakkuk, and Zephaniah;
The New International Commentary on the Old Testament;
p. 83.
8Adams: Ibid; p. 11.
9IBID; p. 12.
10IBID; p. 13.